"...7, 8, 9, 10...ready or not, here I come..."

"Patience, where are you?"... (Preston plays a lot of hide and go seek with our kids...it's fresh on the brain right now.)

Man, you would think after 2 years and 7 months (how long it's been since our lives changed...that was when we found out that we were having twins!) of learning what patience is and because of life experiences, you would think I have learned...or at least I would know where to find it!!! But still, I find that my patience are wearing thin...what is it that I am suppose to be doing with my life, or am I doing it and just not doing it to the potential that I am suppose to be in order to feel fulfillment from it.

I find myself looking on the internet, aimlessly looking for something, I don't even know what. I find myself checking my email, checking facebook, looking stupid things up online and poor google doesn't even know where to find it...it's crazy!!! I'm crazy!! I don't even know what I am expecting to find in my emails or on facebook, but I can't stay off of either of them for an entire day unless it's a weekend or I have a lot going on and I'm not near a computer. It is crazy! I can't even exactly explain it. What AM I looking for?

I often find myself being on this crazy schedule...Will and Ruby can sleep until 9:00, which gives me time to get mess done in the mornings which is usually wasted by being on here! I need to direct my anxiety somewhere.

I am doing some volunteer work and trying to get more involved in this church that we just visited. It's crazy too, because we have always taken our church involvement slow in case we don't like the church after all...but for some reason, I decided that we are going to jump right in there and get involved from the start. I found out that they preach the bible, and that's all I need to know...plus they have good children's programs...those things are important to me! I pray that this is the right thing to do. It's so unlike us. But I think this is a door that God has presented and I am going to run in it before it closes!! Maybe I'll find my patience there. :) or at least be reintroduced to patience again. I'll learn again to wait and find the faith that God has shown me that is so worth keeping and holding on to.

I have been taught these lessons of patience and faith over and over...and one of these days I am going to get it. I KNOW that it is worth being patient to see what it is that God has in store for me...I've seen it happen, I've seen patience play out in an awesome way. I KNOW that everything is in God's plan and I need to follow His will and walk through the doors that He presents to me.

Now, to know what door to walk through...and when to walk through it!...Although, I guess when I see the door, that's when I should walk through it. I just need to pray for the door, the right door(s)! And pray that I walk through the right doors to lead me to the ONE that I'm waiting for, if that should be the case! The one that will make me feel fulfilled...and until then, I need to keep counting and searching until I find it. And pray to find my patience again! Because I know God has something awesome He is preparing me for and I can't wait to find it...the only thing is that I need to wait! ;)