Believe it or not...I loved my vacation!

I am going to journal a little (a lot) about vacation...I'm going to give you a day by day break down of what vacation was like with a 5 year old and 21 month old twins...this will be fun since I loved my vacation...

Wednesday: All day I was trying to get ready, finish up laundry, pack us up and be ready to roll by 5:30...ha ha! I was alone at first and then my 86 year old Momaw came to help me out. She is an amazing woman, I pray that I am the woman she is when I am 86! She came back to help me out...who is this blessed? to have their 86 year old grandma help them out?!! I should be helping her out. Thank goodness she showed up to help me! I have learned since having twins to not turn down help...if she asked, she must have wanted to help me. I also make sure that the person helping me knows how truly thankful I am. Anyway, she came back here to my house around 10:00, helped me with Will and Ruby, and helped me fold laundry, pretty much anything I asked her, she helped with. She actually left around 12:00 to go get a bite to eat for lunch, how awful am I? I didn't offer her anything from my home, but honestly I was just going to work through lunch...feed the kids, put them down for a nap and keep on working. But my Momaw is such a thoughtful woman, first of all, she returned, how awesome is that? and second, she brought me lunch! How sweet!!! I am so blessed! Anyway, because of her help, when Preston came home around 5:30, I pretty much had everything packed and we were off by 6:30, headed to Cary!

Oh, and might I add, I dealt with pooh all day Wed from BOTH Will and Ruby!!! they were good mannered, but just every time I turned around I had to stop to change a dirty diaper...that meant I changed 10 poop diapers before 6:30pm!!! Ah...

We got to Cary in about 3 hours, I guess because each kid had pooped 5 times that day there was no more pooh, thankfully! Ruby did scream the last hour of the trip, I had to reach my arm from the front passenger seat back to at least be touching her foot the entire hour or she would scream her head off...forget about the fact that my arm was falling off...When we finally got there, after what seemed to have been 5 hours, Jessie, Will and Ruby were pretty excited to see their grandparents as were we...Preston and I slipped off once we put the twins to bed (Jessie and her Momaw hung out) to my favorite ice cream place in Cary, Goodberry's!!! So nice! It actually felt like a date. And I needed it after the past hour of breaking my arm and listening to screaming!! When we returned from getting ice cream, we unpacked only what we needed for one night, but I did have food that had to go in the freezer and refrigerator so that had to be unpacked...ugh...and then off to bed! I wanted to leave by 8:30am, the next morning.

Thursday: That morning Preston and I woke up at 8:30...I wanted to wake up at 7:30 but just couldn't do it...so after feeding myself, Jessie, and Preston running to Trader Joe's for my much needed coffee to take with us on our trip, getting Will and Ruby up, feeding them, repacking food and few clothing and toiletries, we were off at 10:30am...not exactly 8:30, but hey, at least it was still AM!!

The trip started off good, everyone was in good spirits and excited about going to the beach. We sort of do this cheer..."Let's Go!" and Will and Ruby even chime in...it's pretty awesome and really loud in a our van! But cute and fun! and a great way to get everyone pumped! The trip went pretty good for the first hour and a half, then it came time to get some lunch.

Will is allergic to milk, egg, and peanuts, so that means he cannot have french fries from many places...so we decided on McDonald's since Will can have apples in the happy meal. Preston decided since there was a long line going through the drive thru that he should run in...well Ruby had already been sort of testy before we stopped, not knowing if she was going to start screaming or not, I was a little leery of this idea, but oh well. It was about 100 degrees outside no lie, it was at least 94 and felt even hotter. I spouted off a list of what to buy for everyone to Preston and off he went to get our lunch...well, in the mean time Ruby started screaming...the car had stopped and according to Ruby this shouldn't have happened. I got her out of the car seat and I brought her up to the front with me...Will and Jessie continued to be sweet kids and watched Tom and Jerry while staying in their seats. I started smelling something and I automatically decided this was not going to be good...Ruby had pooped. My only choice since I was sitting in the van all by myself while Preston was inside was to change her in the van. So I did. I laid her down on my seat, and shew-wee, it was stinky, and thankfully not that much and I had caught it at the perfect time, right before it went every where, easy 3 wipe clean up! It pretty much stunk up the car, but I bagged it up and took it inside once Preston returned with our lunch. There you go McD's, Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday, whatever, just thankful it wasn't staying with us!!...and I got to wash my hands in the bathroom, I was thankful even more for that since I was about to eat my lunch!

We buckled her back in and off we go, headed to Southport, hoping to make no more stops! But man, I still smelled something, was it on my hands? on me? what was it? The smell continued to linger. We maybe got a mile down the road and it continued to smell...shew...what in the world, did Will pooh this time? I was sort of P-O-ed at Preston for not checking everyone while I had gone inside to clean myself and throw away the trash. While we were still sitting still. I made a sly remark like "Did you not smell this after I had gone inside? Why didn't you check them just to make sure?!" I reached back in the back seat, checked Will's pants, nothing...then I thought, man, Ruby just pooped, it can't be her again...but I thought I had better check to make sure...I was really hoping that maybe it was an existing stink from Ruby's previous pooh...boy was I wrong...I saw it already starting to leak out from her cute little green polo dress...it was coming out...GROSS!!!

So, Preston had to pull over as soon as he could. I'm not sure what this little gravel area was that we pulled over at, but we didn't care and I was glad it was there! It was a poop emergency. I reached back there thinking it was leaking out from between her legs and I felt it on her back, the back of her dress was nasty! The poop was all the way up her back to her shoulders...GROSS!!! I honestly didn't know how to take this dress off of her, it was one of those dresses that was one piece, the bloomers were connected to the dress, sort of a onesie with a dress over it, but all connected. Preston started pulling, I started yelling at him, it is all up her back, her back was covered in poop, and I mean nasty poop. The kind that is wipe off and go throw her in the bathtub...but there was no bath tub...what was I to do? We did our best...I was yelling, Preston was yelling, and poor Ruby was screaming...might I add, Preston and I had not started eating yet...and I really am not sure what Jessie and Will are doing at the is time. But through team work, Preston and I cleaned her up...we both got pooh all over our hands and no where to wash them...LOVELY!! and no where to throw the pooh away or clean up her dress...but thankfully, before we left Cary, Preston's mom had the great idea of giving us grocery bags, so everything got tightly tied up. The pooh was clean and contained...two different bags, one with poop diaper and one with poop dress. If it had been a dress that I had bought, that thing would have gone in the trash!!! But it belonged to my sister. So no poop dress in the trash for me! That thing had to continue to travel with us! but so did the poop bag, but I knew as soon as we got somewhere that thing was going in the trash.

We all got settled back in, I made sure Jessie and Will and Ruby all had their food situated and off we went. Now we are hoping for a straight shot there to Southport, hoping to catch the 3:00 ferry to the island. No one wanted to eat their food. As for me, I pretty much lost my appetite after cleaning that disgusting poop! I do think Preston had no problem eating his though. But I just couldn't, all I could think about was that there was no where to wash my hands and I had poop all over my hands. However, before I left our little gravel poop changing area, I did find some scope that had in it's ingredients alcohol, and I thought, better than nothing, so I rinsed my hands off with it. And a little ways down the road, I decided a girl has to eat...I ate my four chicken nuggets and fries and pretended to forget about the pooh that had been on them previously.

All three kids were sort of hard to get along with for the rest of the trip. Ruby made me hold her hand or foot for the last part of the trip, that's fun. There's nothing like the circulation being cut off from your hand all because if you quit touching your kid, she screams! Here's waht went on in the car: Jessie wouldn't eat her lunch and complained of being hungry, Ruby making me touch her, Jessie saying, "I'm hot! I'm cold! I'm hungry!" Will and Ruby screaming and crying, oh and let me add, we almost got hit by a crazy man who runs a stop sign, and then we finally made it to Southport.

We were excited thinking we are about to catch the 3:00 ferry!! AWESOME!! We were pumped...Actually amazing, we made it there by the time we wanted!! We parked at the drop off area, we did our best to get unpacked, buy our tickets and figure out where to go wait to load the ferry...while we were unpacking we hear the horn from the ferry...Preston says "That's not good." And I am not one to know what that means. I'm thinking "Oh, that is their warning: 'Hey we are about to leave.'" Surely we have time to get catch the ferry, surely they will wait on us! It wasn't, according to Preston's watch even 3:00 on the dot yet. We bought our tickets, they know we are coming. Can't they hold it for us? We are rushing through the station trying to find stairs to get downstairs where you load the ferry and a lady says to us "You can go down the elevator if you are wanting to go wait for the next ferry." I'm thinking, "Lady, we are getting on the 3:00 ferry, I'm not waiting for an hour to catch the next ferry!" But sure enough, I saw the ferry leaving. I was so sad!

Oh, and let me add, that in the midst of all of this confusion for me, Jessie tells me that she needs to pee, and I tell her that she is going to have to hold it. Plus, I've been holding Ruby and I can't figure out why she smells because I checked her diaper and there's nothing there. I am figuring that I must have pooh on me somewhere or it is just her nasty self since her pooh accident was definitely bath worthy. I sort of blow that off as she just stinks or I have it on me somewhere. After figuring out that the ferry had indeed left us, I end up having to back track for Jessie though, after getting Preston settled down in the waiting area with Will and Ruby I took Jessie to the potty. She was relieved that she didn't have to wait until we got to the island. I was sort of glad to put Will and Ruby down (I was carrying them both trying to rush to get everything to the ferry) and leave them with their daddy for a few minutes while taking Jessie to the bathroom. Before putting Ruby down, I did find her stink...she had poop onher skirt, which meant that there was poop on her car seat...which mean that we would have poop baking on the car seat for 4 days while we were on the island...lovely! But Ruby's clothes are all packed in the suitcase...I had just put her clean outfit that was in the diaper bag on her after her huge explosion...the suitcase was in a holding area waiting to be loaded on the ferry when it got here...poor girl had to just stink...poor us, we had to smell it!! Oh well, nothing I could do about that and besides knowing that I was going to have to smell it, I was sort of relieved! Aren't I awful. But changing clothes is not one of my favorite things to do.

Jessie and I went to the bathroom, we walked through an air conditioned room and it was like heaven after sweating our brains out unpacking and rushing around trying to make it to the ferry that we had missed by minutes. Bathroom time just become a relaxing moment for me from the crazy day we had spent since 8:30 and I was glad to be leaving Will and Ruby with Preston for a few minutes.

It's funny how I was so tired and taking my 5 year old to the bathroom was where I was finding some rest time. And, I'll tell you what is even more funny, Jessie has this issue or OCD problem with wiping her bottom multiple times after she pees. I keep threatening her I am going to take her to the doctor if she keeps it up. She tells me that she keeps feeling it dripping down and has to go wipe. I really think I need to have her checked out. But anyway, every time she wipes multiple times, (she'll leave the bathroom and then have to go back to the bathroom to wipe again, she might even go back another time) I get aggravated at her...but this time, I let that kid wipe as many times as she needed to...I was glad to stay away with only her for a few minutes...let daddy chase those two little people around the deck...I mean we had an hour to wait until the next ferry arrived. I really could have hung out in the bathroom as long as Jessie needed. It was cool and I wasn't chasing anyone, cleaning poop, smelling poop, it was beautiful! I was even checking out the colors that they used in the bathroom, I really liked them...a cool calm green with really pretty tile work on the walls. Sort of a feel good color. And then it was over...bathroom time was over...she was finished and ready to go find Will and Ruby and daddy.

We returned to the deck waiting area. I chased Will and Ruby around, they were having a great time. Will was flirting with a little girl...he usually finds a girl to flirt with where ever he goes...he's a "lady's man." He loves the girls, no matter the age. But I noticed he stood still for a period of time, and then I thought, "I bet he's pooping!" and sure enough he did. I sent Preston to change him this time. I was tired of poop! So he left me with Ruby and Jessie. It was getting close to time for the ferry to come. Preston almost made Will sit in his poop it was so close, because as we had just experienced the ferry waited for no one. But he went and changed Will and made it back in time. While he was gone though, Ruby decided to poop again! I couldn't believe it...and since we had to walk around the building, up the stairs, through a sitting area and in to the bathroom, there was no time for me to take her. Poor girl had to sit in her poop for 30 minutes, plus a tram ride until we got to the house. I was feeling sorry for her.

While on the tram I was so afraid her pooh would have started leaking out on to my skirt...because of course I had Ruby...actually until we got on the ferry and seated I had to carry them both, Preston carried the bags and helped Jessie. I just carried kiddos. But once seated, Preston took Will from me, the one who is calm and collected and easy going. I had busy, poop pants Ruby. But we survived the ferry ride, sort of felt long though. When we started to unload the ferry, a sweet lady from Charlotte offered to take a kid for me, not knowing if Ruby had poop coming out her pants or if Will had pooped, at this point, to me, everything and everyone smelled like poop, pretty sure I did too, I told the kind lady, "Thank you, but I am good!" Since I have had twins, I have learned to accept people's kind offers, but this was one of those times you say, "Thanks, but no thanks!" and I am doing them a favor instead of them doing one for me.

We finally arrived to the island...so far from what i had heard, it just looked like any other place I had ever been...nothing too special is what i mean by that. We got off the ferry, got our luggage and got on a tram to take us to our house. When we got there...I am embarrassed to say, the driver who was very rushed for time, he was trying to catch the ferry back to the mainland, we forgot to tip him. I still feel awful about this, and there is nothing I can do about it. But I am guessing to him, catching his ferry back to get home was more important than our money at the time.

We made it to the house...I just loved the feeling I got as I walked inside...It was beautiful, quaint, and clean, and COOL!!! Ah...it was so nice! Beautiful furniture! Beautiful floors! A cute little cottage feel. It had a master bedroom downstairs with a king sized bed, and a small kitchen, dining room, den, nice tv, comfy furniture, another bedroom with a queen sized bed and lots of floor space for 2 pack n' plays, another bathroom, laundry, and pantry, upstairs was a sweet loft with bathroom and stairs/steps/carpeted ladder not real sure what you call them going up there that Jessie absolutely loved to go up and down, she also loved that the room was open to the den. She called that room "my room!" She loved this house. It had a nice little screened in porch! The house was right across from the pool and not that far from the beach! You could not ask for a more perfect vacation spot! I loved it too!!!

I got things settled in and sat Will and Ruby down for a snack while Preston and Jessie went for a little exploration of the place on the golf carts. Did I mention that there were no cars...how awesome is that?!! I loved it, the most perfect place for a family vacation. So laid back and easy going and no one was moving a faster pace than 18 mph...my kind of living right there! Everyone we met was so nice. Anyway, back to what was going on...I was settling in and Preston and Jess were exploring...somehow the guy always gets to take the easy kid and go do the fun stuff...how does that always seem to work that way?!! But it was ok, I was on vacation!! and my mind was right there too, on vacation! I love vacation!!

Settled in, went for a walk on the beach...Will and Ruby wanted nothing to do with it...I wasn't thinking good thoughts about this...we had at least 2 good days of hanging out on the beach and they didn't want their feet to touch the sand more or less the water. As soon as you put them down on the sand they lifted their legs right up. Ruby did eventually warm up to it, but not Will...NO way were his feet touching the sand and certainly not getting close to the water. He was fine as long as I was holding him, but don't even think about putting him down...pretty much couldn't he had a death grip on my shirt. Jessie loved it...I love to hear her little squeals of glee! So awesome...probably one of the best sounds in the world, just wish Will and Ruby would want to join in. I decided instead of giving up, I'd keep sticking their feet in the sand and in the ocean. Ruby did eventually give in and decide that it was pretty cool....Will, no way!! I'd have to give him another try tomorrow!

After the beach we came back and I fixed spaghetti...Will and Ruby gobbled it up...Jessie keeps telling me she doesn't like and I keep forcing her to eat it. That night, it was like I was feeding her rotten eggs, she was not going to eat it. I'm telling you this girl would rather not eat...she'd hates to sit down and eat, at least eat a meal, she loves chocolate and candy and potato chips, any junk food, no problem. She will not eat a meal without asking you how many bites she has to eat...I always give her a number that is the largest amount that she would end up eating most of her meal. It drives me absolutely crazy! And this was vacation, but not a vacation away from her not wanting to eat her meal. For some reason I thought vacation would have been less these quirky every day aggravations!! HELLO, what was I smoking?!! Food would continue to be an issue. But let's get real, what kid hates spaghetti? That's like a kid not liking pizza...but that kid is my Jessie. She's got ideas of her own!!!!

Once supper was over, it was bathes (because pretty much Will and Ruby had poop residue all over them) and then off to bed!!! Ah...such a nice treat, bedtime that is. I put Will and Ruby in their pack 'n plays and off to sleep they go. They are awesome little sleepers!!

And then, I just sat on the couch trying to put Jessie to sleep. She loves for me to hold her to put her to bed...I do too, but I am also ready to start putting that sweet thing in her bed and she go off to sleep on her own. I know though, that I will miss those days, so I'll keep holding her for now.

Once I put her in her bed, it was all about me...and Preston of course, but it was sweet time of no one wanting something or pooping and having to clean it up. I had already unpacked everything, so I sat there on that plush couch and relaxed...ah...I sort of didn't want to go to bed and continue to sit there and think about myself. That part of it was "vacation."

Friday: We got up, fed everyone, spent an entire hour getting ready to go to the beach, put sunscreen and bathing suits on EVERYONE...I can remember thinking, "I still have another kid to put sunscreen on? I'm not finished yet?!!"

Preston's job was to load up the golf cart while I was getting everyone ready.

We were ready and off to the beach we went. Riding a golf cart to the beach was pretty awesome and so much easier than walking across the street and carrying everything and everyone. or having to load up your car, buckle everyone in a car seat, and drive to the beach, find a parking space, unload and then have to walk to the beach still. Golf cart is definitely the way to go!!

Jessie, Will and Ruby loved the ride to the beach. So did I, and I'm pretty sure Preston really enjoyed it too since he was the driver. Will usually helped him drive. They were pretty cute.

The beach...it was so much fun seeing all three of my babies at the beach. At first, Will and Ruby had NOTHING to do with it. Neither of them wanted their feet to touch the sand. When you would try to put them down, they would draw up their legs so that their feet couldn't stand. They were so funny. I was thinking, "This will be a long couple of days at the beach. One kid would want to be there and the other two did not!" I even had decided that maybe Preston could take Jessie to the beach while Will, Ruby, and I would stay back at the house. At least the house was very nice and we could totally hang out there.

But soon they decided, after their mean momma just sat them in the sand decided to be ok with the sand...the water on the other had was a whole other story. Will wouldn't get touch it, Ruby warmed up to it pretty quickly. She didn't mind it, but at the same time she didn't have to be in it.

Well, I decided that Will was going to like it. I took him out in the water and held him. I was up to my knees in the water, we jumped waves together. He started to love that...he would cackle out loud. It was the cutest thing. Then he got even more brave and let me hold him in the water, hold him with his belly and legs in the water and I'd pick him up and swing him in the air when a wave would come...he LOVED it.

Ruby, not so much...she's one who likes to be in control...so she preferred to stand in the more shallow where the water just covered her feet so she could run around in the water and not get pushed down by the waves.

And as for Jessie, well that girl, is so awesome, she made sure she enjoyed herself regardless of the fact that Preston and I had our hands full with Will and Ruby, she just ran to and from with the waves, jumped the waves, played in the sand, whatever her heart desired. She's an incredible little person to have twins as sibblings...she loves life so much that she makes sure that she enjoys herself with no hard feelings either...she loves her brother and sister and never thinks one ill thing towards them. I am so blessed that she is my oldest daughter.

And the rest of the day...well, once the beach ended which was lunch time when we headed back to the house...we fed the kiddos...put Will and Ruby down for nap...sat Jessie in "her room" and set her up to watch a movie on Preston's laptop...then it was just Preston and me...we went out on the screened porch and took a NAP!! It was incredible. I actually took a nap during the day...it was a great day.

Once Jessie's movie ended, I took her to the pool, the house was right across from the pool. Preston stayed back at the house with the twins...I think he really wanted to continue his nap. I thought about it, but Jessie wanted to go swim...pretty much I can't tell that girl no...maybe not my best parenting skill. :)

We played in the pool for a while, at least until the twins woke up. Once they woke up we maybe went for a ride on the golf cart, can't really remember, but supper time was approaching and then we pretty much called it a day. I loved it once the kiddos were all in the bed...it was then my time...and I just sat on the couch covered up with a blanket and enjoyed a little peace and quiet. Preston did the same, we were quiet together...it was nice.

Then late that night, Brad and Sarah came to join us...so we really enjoyed the peace and quiet until they got there. Then we hung out with them and talked for a little while...and then went to bed. Ah...what a day!

Saturday: Got up, hung out on the screened porch with Brad while Sarah went to the local grocery store/diner to do some work...we ate some breakfast and drank coffee and just enjoyed spending time with one another until Will and Ruby woke up. Jessie loved getting that attention from Brad and us.

Once the twins got up, we fed them breakfast, and we all got dressed and went to pick up Sarah (Brad took her to the grocery store early that morning.) Then we went to see Old Baldy. Preston, Jessie, Brad, and Sarah went to the top. I stayed on the ground with WIll and Ruby. That was crazy since there was no place for them to run and play except for the asphalt golf road...so I decided it was sit in the golf cart and eat a snack time...thankfully I thought and packed them something to snack on...it was getting close to lunch time. Thankfully that kept them occupied until they got out of the light house.

Then we went back and had lunch...and then off to the beach we went. It was so much fun. Plus it was nice to have the extra set of hands. We really had a good time with Brad and Sarah there...it was fun, sweet family time. No stress, just do what you want when you wanted to do it.

Later that evening Brad and Sarah went out for a little golf cart ride and when they returned they offered to let us go for one. Of course Jessie was still up, so she went with us. Bless her sweet little heart, she fell asleep so fast...and we were wanting to go get ice cream which is something that girl really would do her best to stay awake for, but she couldn't. She started off talking while we were riding and then she laid her head on my shoulder and it wasn't long until I heard nothing from her. So sweet though to have her sleeping so peacefully like that while Preston and enjoyed talking to one another.

It really was a sweet day.

Sunday: Brad and Sarah got up REALLY early and left. Sarah had an event that she had to hurry home for. So Preston and I decided to take the kids back to the beach one last time. We hurriedly got ready to leave the house by 10:00 so we could return by 12:00. Give those kiddos one last hoorrah! And boy did they have a ball. They didn't want to leave. And of course as we left, we said a big "Good Bye beach!"

Then we got back to the house, packed and cleaned up in enough time so that we didn't miss the tram picking us up to take us to catch the ferry to leave the island. Oh, it was bitter sweet. We loved Bald Head Island...it was awesome. Sort of turned me in to a beach snob...I don't want to go back to another beach. It was so pleasant and I easily fell in to what the the locals called "Turtle time." The island definitely had its own pace. It was nice...a perfect first of our family of 5 vacation on our own. Sweet time!

Thank you Stephanie and Jerry Bynum!!!

Finally, it's here...

I have been complaining since summer break began (Jessie ended preschool and Preston was out for the summer) that I want to go to the beach. The week before Father's day my mom and dad went to the beach and so did everyone else in the world...except for me and my family. And ever since I have been complaining of how I want to go!!! And FINALLY, I am leaving today!!!! Well, today to go to Cary, spend the night and then go to the beach bright and early in the morning!!!

We are going to Bald Head Island! I am so excited! I feel like it is Christmas. I just found out yesterday that if we go, we should go down tomorrow! Wow! Tomorrow! I had yesterday afternoon and evening to start washing all 5 of our loads of laundry (5 meaning, 5 different people's dirty clothes that have collected for a week, not sure of how many loads I actually washed!) But who cares, I am going on vacation! I will do whatever it takes! And that's just what I am doing.

Preston's Aunt Judy's sister-in-law, who I pretty much consider them our aunt and uncle! Stephanie, is such a sweet lady who really cares about us and our happiness and I feel that she really understands us and what we have been going through these past few years! We really need a house to stay at if we go on vacation, it just makes things easier...I can't imagine a hotel...and they very lovingly are letting us use their house at the beach!!!

You know, so many things have gone crazy for us...I use to feel like God was testing us, but you know, I don't think that is it at all, I think this is how God chooses to use us! He doesn't test us!! We are vessels for Him, and if through our crazy lives, He can use us, go for it! Everything I do here on earth is so worth it if I can be of use to Him. Sometimes I find myself being of little importance, but I'm not. I'm finding myself almost feeling sort of privileged that He can use me, that I am so flexible and that is how He created me!

A couple of months ago, I think He showed me just how much He LOVES ME!! I started seeing my sweet little Jessie go from being super confident in who she is and what she has to someone who started becoming affected by the way we live (sort of sloppy since the twins have come along!) I really can't remember the last time I vacuumed my entire house all at once...it's sort of become I vacuum when it can't be picked up real fast with a broom or the cracks in our wood floors become filled with dirt and scum...anyway, we were at my mother-in-law's house, which is always clean, I don't care what she might tell you, it's always clean!! And Jessie said to me, "Mommy, I like being at my Momaw's house. It's always so clean!" And then she said, "I don't like our house, it's all messy." Now might I add, we have been trying to finish the addition to our house that we had to add when we found out that we were having twins...which has now been a project going on for 2 years...so I'm not really sure if she is talking about the outside or inside...but probably both!! And to be quite honest with you, I don't like our house either, so it's a hard argument to have with her since I pretty much agree. But it's our life!! and our house! :)

Anyway, I was starting to see my little girl who had never expressed any sort of embarrassment or thoughts of shame, show those signs. It broke my heart to think that Jessie was not ok in her skin...or at least that is the way I looked at it.

Now might I add, we clean up anytime someone comes over that isn't use to our mess, but we can tend to live pretty messily...and if you had twins and were me, (keep in mind, this is me, someone who can leave a sink full of dishes and go outside to play instead of washing them) you would choose to live this way also. Preston also doesn't mind it...it's sort of an understanding that we both have...we'd both rather go play.

And, there are definitely moms out there with more kids than I have and they keep an immaculate home...more power to them...you go girl! But I'm not one of them. If my kids are sick, I'll clean like crazy trying to kill the germs when I have a moment to do so...other than that, it can sit there until nap time or morning time before everyone gets up...or just a time that suits me! Cleaning and neatness is not a priority to me. Until Jessie expressed her shame...gosh, that just crushed my heart. To think that she was ashamed led me to these next thoughts...

I NEVER want my kid to feel shame or ashamed of who she is or where she lives or the life she lives...because she and Will and Ruby are stinkin' awesome! The BEST kids ever...here I go gloating on my kids...but you get it...I want them be happy with who they are and who God has made them...leading me in to my next thought...this was an ah ha moment...

If I feel this way, this broken hearted over my kid not being happy with who she is or what she has and I am the one responsible with helping her to be this person...then how must God feel when I am ashamed of who He has created me to be, who He wants me to be, how He finds me to be so that He can use me...He created me and has blessed my life in more ways than I recognize...I am breaking His heart with my feelings of shame or guilt or unhappiness...because He created me in His image and He knows best for ME!! I should be proud of what He has made me, who He has made me! I just love to think this thought...that He has made me be EXACTLY who HE wants me to be!!!! I am proud!

With all of that being said, what I am trying to say is that once I realized all of this, and it clicked and I have become a little more comfortable and proud of who I am and why I am this way, things have just sort of been happening for us...things that could not happen if God didn't love me and my family so stinkin' much...Preston has an awesome job at private school...Jessie is starting kindergarten next year...Jessie will be going to Preston's school with him there!!!! Jessie will be attending a private school...what in the world? We can't afford a private school! But God is making this possible! And then don't forget, Bald Head Island, not exactly the place we can afford a family vacation...but we are going...because there are people in our life who love us so much and want happiness for us...I truly believe that the family who is sending us to Bald Head Island thinks of us as their children...and we are...actually, we are ALL brothers and sisters in Christ, believers or not, He LOVES us all and we should all treat one another as "we would want to be treated." He is so awesome and loves us so much! And the family who sent us to Bald Head Island did this and showed us God's love! How awesome!!!

Though some times may be tougher than others, it's always sweet! And I am learning through tough and good how to be the woman, wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, and friend He wants me to be. I have to remember that my life here on earth and all of my many blessings are a gift from Him...I am a vessel for Him. I need to put myself to the side...quit taking notes, quit taking tabs, quit worrying about who does or did or didn't do what, quit being envious, quit wanting things that really don't make any difference. I need to think of myself being a daughter of Christ!!! Not the daughter of Ned and Debbie Devine, the daughter of an incredible Father...(not that God has not blessed me with wonderful earthly parents and family and friends, because He has, I am truly blessed!!)

Good bye Facebook?!!...

Ok, so I must admit, this blog is not what I had first intended. It was, at first, a blog that I wanted to write that might actually be read. I'll admit my first idea I had: I was going to blog about the crazy messages that some churches put out in front of their buildings.

Here are a couple of signs that spawned this idea...I'll not name the churches (all from different churches,) one was posted around Easter: "For all you do, His blood's for you." I mean really, isn't that the Budweiser logo?...and another one I saw was posted around Thanksgiving, "Aren't you thankful you're not a turkey?" REALLY?!!, that's the message you are sending out at Thanksgiving? and one last sign that really stuck in my head "If you're not right, then you're left." get it? again...REALLY?!!!

So you can see how that grabbed my interest, or maybe it just grabbed me and it is a good thing I'm not blogging about this! And I personally, still think it is a fun idea, just not intriguing enough for me to stick with...hence the name of the blog! But hey, if you are reading this and you want to run with it, it's your's!!

My blogging interest of which I have just not actually acted on, began after I saw that movie Julie and Julia or what ever it was called...the movie of that girl who blogs her way cooking through the entire Julia Childs cook book...what a great idea!!!...and she became famous!!! pretty stinkin' cool!!! I've always wanted to do something that I could do from home and make money at, (deep down inside, being famous would be really fun)...blogging? sounds good to me...I can type!!! Then I saw a girl who blogged for 100 days; she painted 100 paintings in 100 days and the plus side to her blog?= she sold her paintings... why have I never thought of that?...I would love for my job to be being an artist...but let's snap back in to reality, I have 3 kids (a 5 year old daughter, and 21 month old twins!!) who has time to paint 100 paintings in 100 days? there are days I don't get to shower...maybe 100 paintings in a life time at the rate I am going right now.

I'll probably change my title once I figure out how. Preston, my husband, much more techy than myself, set this up for me, so I'll have to ask him. Oh, and don't expect too many pictures, I don't know how to even download them on to our computer, definitely don't expect pictures to show up here!! at least not any time soon! I'm not a techy person, you'll soon find out. I can type, stalk people on facebook, search the internet, and send emails...that's about the extent of my computer knowledge!!!

My reason for wanting to blog now has changed over the year and a half that I first got my idea...I don't care who reads it or if anyone at all even reads it, this is going to be my outlet (pretty sure I'll make no money at it and I'll not become famous, and that's ok!)...I'd like to say "Good bye facebook!" and let this be my outlet instead of fb, but I may have to ween myself off of fb a little bit at a time...I have begun starting to lose interest, and I admit that I have a problem with being obsessed with it...that's a start!!! I have found myself getting even more depressed this summer by reading it...EVERYONE is going on vacation, EVEY MOM out there is SUPER MOM, and EVERYONE has things that I WANT!!! EVERYONE's kid is super smart and awesome!!! (It's all things that make me envious of everyone else!)

It is not being a good thing for my heart here lately!! Especially, when I am not going on vacation right now, I am NOT super mom, and I don't have nor need a lot of material things! And well, everyone's kid is their kid...I hope you do think they are awesome, but really do you have to rub it in everyone else's face? REALLY?!!! It's a given...your kid is the best! And use to, when I heard good things happening to or for others, I was happy, not envious!!I should be happy and thankful for the blessings that I HAVE...they made me happy before there was fb, so what's changed? What's up with me?!!! = I am on fb WAY too much!!

I have always enjoyed my simple life, and now all of a sudden my simple life isn't enough for me? And well, my kids are awesome, but do I need to remind you of it every day?!! Does this make me super mom? Should I be taking them to the park or pool, or different amusement parks, movies, soccer, dance, t-ball? Do I need to announce these things to make me super mom? By everyone else announcing these things does everyone else in the world feel the same as I do, those moms who don't keep their kids entertained every single day of the week? Am I alone in these feelins? Isn't it good to allow your kid to figure out what to do on their own instead of having every day planned?

I'll be honest, there are days that I really would trade one or all of my kids (just for the day) for an awesome sweet silent alone day...is it wrong for me to feel this way? Or I would love to be the one being entertained...ok, I may have just gone too far...I may be a little warped! I should want for their happiness and not mine...but sometimes, my happiness helps me keep the desire for them to have it!! What's wrong with me? =FACEBOOK!!

And I'll be the first to say my kids have faults!! And because I am admitting this, does it mean that I love them any less or think any less of them? Absolutely not!! It should be ok for us as moms to find faults with our kids, that's why we are moms, we are to help our kids be better people and succeed in society. It should be absolutely fine for me to say "My kids are driving be bananas today...I want to just walk out the door and leave them all alone, put them in a kennel where it's nice and cool, give them plenty of food and water! I'll be back soon!" and not get a response like "OMG, you are so funny"..."I cannot believe you just said that." No, wait, I am going to post it on my fb and see what type of responses I would get!! This will be fun...I'll report back tomorrow with my responses!...I did by the way say, I am weening myself from facebook...Rome wasn't built in a day! :)

Anyway, back to my "why I am blogging talk," sort of got off on a tangent there, I have found myself these past couple of days being so overwhelmed with my feelings of being a stay at home mom...and I mean stay at home, I don't get out that often, at least not during the day!!! It's just not worth it. I find myself caught up in feelings of guilt because I usually wait until Preston gets home. I try to get him to stay home with the kids while I run out, or we go together. I don't do fun things with the kids. But I have to say, I don't remember every day growing up having something planned out for me...I think I turned out alright? I need to write my honest heart felt feelings, get them out of my mind, heart and soul...sort of a way for me to give them up to God...a way that I admit my crazy thoughts out loud and not hoard them away inside just for myself. I am no hero or super mom and I am the FIRST to admit that...this will be my way of admitting my secrets, my fears, my trials, my triumphs, my worries,...my life!! Through this blog I am handing things out there to you all and you can agree with me that I am crazy!! :) or you can see that you are not the only momma out there who is not "super mom!" or I might make you mad...of which I apologize now for! :)

But please, if you read this, comment...I'd love to know your thoughts!!!