Gosh, I have been finding out lately how weird I am. Not only me, but my husband too. It's funny, neither of us have a lot of close friends...I mean, we have friends, but as far as a best friend, we don't have one...except for one another of course. Preston really is my absolute BEST friend in the entire world. That is pretty sweet to say it, mean, and know it.
My husband is my BEST friend! Pretty stinkin' sweet!
But he and I both feel that no one really wants to be our friends. Our close friend, that is. Those who we think would be really true friends, live far away and those who we have been friends w/ our whole life, just don't seem that real. We get frustrated easily by people who seem one way and act another. We don't do fake. We don't do people who want to be someone who they are...we want real people in our lives. People living out life the way we are. Trying to be who God wants them to be...at least I'm speaking for myself for sure. Preston, I'm pretty positive is on the same page as me.
I have struggled my whole entire life w/ this "friend journey." You'd think I would have learned something by now. Something as to how to be a friend, how to make a friend, how to KEEP a friend. But no, I continue today in my 30's on how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. It's funny, I often find that people change and I stay the same. The same ol' me.
But I must do something to people to make them frustrated w/ me so easily. Or is it in my head? Maybe I don't frustrate them, and what it is, is that I have nothing except for myself to give them. I'm not fake, I don't conform easily or at all, I am me! What you see, is exactly what you get...there's very little hidden behind the scenes.
Anyway, maybe one day, I'll get the picture. I'll figure how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. Or maybe others will decide that I'm ok, just the way I am.
I am a strange person. My whole life, I have done exactly what I feel is right. I have never easily conformed to others. I have lived my life the way that I wanted to, mostly, maybe not all the time, but mostly, living my life the way I feel God desires for me. I try hard to follow His will...and I have to say that has been my number one influence...which is the best influence to have...and maybe that is what has made me such a strange bird. I don't know.
What I do know, is that I am ready for some REAL friends. People who are exactly what you see is what you get!! People who want to be my friend because they love my heart!...and that is it!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I am not a mom to my full potential, that's for sure!
How many times do I ignore my children? A LOT!! There are so many times that I find myself putting other things first...such as right now...I am trying to type this, fix my kiddos breakfast (yes, at 10:45 a.m.!) have Jessie take a shower, while needing to be cleaning the house!! I will do anything to try to procrastinate things...even ignoring my children so that I have a minute to myself. I feel like I have real issues. Do any other moms out there do this? or is it just me?
It's good to know that God doesn't ignore me. It's good to know that God isn't a father to me like I am a mother to my children.
I really need to work on this parenting stuff. It makes me think that there is something wrong w/ me.
I really don't want to be a parent who ignores their children. I don't want to be that mom that later on down the road wishes I loved them a little more or held them in my arms a little longer.
I always hear older moms tell me, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast. Before you know it, they will be going off to college." While they are telling me this, all I can do is find myself wishing them to grow up so that I can have my own life back. Do the things that I want to do.
Ok, maybe I don't wish them to be going off to college right yet, but I do find myself being excited about the time that they are all 5 and older!! I think that is going to be an awesome time!! Gosh, I hope it is!!
Having 2, almost 3 year olds and a 6 year old is hard work...mainly the 2, almost 3 year olds!! That's where the hard work is! They are CRAZY!!!
Anyway, my prayer is that I am a mom with no regrets. That I do my best and be the mom God has intended me to be. After all, He did give me these sweet kiddos...He has entrusted them to me. What a privilege! I pray that I parent with that in mind!!
It's good to know that God doesn't ignore me. It's good to know that God isn't a father to me like I am a mother to my children.
I really need to work on this parenting stuff. It makes me think that there is something wrong w/ me.
I really don't want to be a parent who ignores their children. I don't want to be that mom that later on down the road wishes I loved them a little more or held them in my arms a little longer.
I always hear older moms tell me, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast. Before you know it, they will be going off to college." While they are telling me this, all I can do is find myself wishing them to grow up so that I can have my own life back. Do the things that I want to do.
Ok, maybe I don't wish them to be going off to college right yet, but I do find myself being excited about the time that they are all 5 and older!! I think that is going to be an awesome time!! Gosh, I hope it is!!
Having 2, almost 3 year olds and a 6 year old is hard work...mainly the 2, almost 3 year olds!! That's where the hard work is! They are CRAZY!!!
Anyway, my prayer is that I am a mom with no regrets. That I do my best and be the mom God has intended me to be. After all, He did give me these sweet kiddos...He has entrusted them to me. What a privilege! I pray that I parent with that in mind!!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I don't have it bad...
Hey! It's been a while since I've been on here blogging my crazy thoughts...so here is what is on my mind right now...
I can often get caught up in how bad or blah I feel that my life is. I often feel sort of "whoa is me." I get frustrated at the fact that I stay home w/ three kids. It's tough. I sometimes feel that I was not cut out for this...but through several of my friends lately, I am not cut out for their lives...
The Carter's for example...They have been through so much since the birth of their twin daughters. I can't even begin to explain what they went through after delivering 25 week old twins...itsy bitsy babies...and they survived. One of them is deaf, and the other is perfectly healthy. But that is it...they are both healthy little girls. Such little blessings and miracles those two are. That was tough though, watching the parents go through wondering if their little babies would survive or not. My hair would be white from worry during the remainder of those weeks of what should have been gestation in the womb, instead outside and wondering if they would survive. And just recently their mom's brother was murdered. I can't imagine. I'm not cut out for that life!!
And then there the Patwa's...Amy has cancer, she is a year younger than me, and has a 1 year old daughter. She just finished treatment for breast cancer 5 months ago...and just recently found out she has cancer again. She is on treatments now for treating the cancer that is incurable. Her husband doesn't have a job and she just lost her job. And to top it off, her dad, by the sounds of it, is dying from cancer. I'm not cut out for that life!!!
And I can't forget about the family who I followed their blog last fall who lost their 2 year old son to neuroblastoma, and yet him mom was pregnant w/ twins and gave birth early and lost one of the twins and now has a son who I hope is doing awesome. They deserve a sweet healthy baby boy. I'm not cut out for that life!!
...and if I sat here long enough, I could write on and on many many paragraphs and come up with others who have suffered way more than I can imagine...I can think of others whose lives I'm not cut out for. So, I'll leave this as my blog for today...I'm thankful for my crazy life!! I'm thankful for the blahness of it!! I'm going to quit complaining (well, I'll try!) But, I will accept life as it is and be thankful for what I do have!! and not for what I don't have!! I'm thankful for the trials that I have endured and the lessons that I have learned from them. I pray I don't forget what lessons I've learned. I pray that I will always be thankful for my life. The life that God has so graciously given me...not to mention the lives that He has entrusted to me!! ;) ...my sweet babies!!
Thank you Lord for MY life!
I can often get caught up in how bad or blah I feel that my life is. I often feel sort of "whoa is me." I get frustrated at the fact that I stay home w/ three kids. It's tough. I sometimes feel that I was not cut out for this...but through several of my friends lately, I am not cut out for their lives...
The Carter's for example...They have been through so much since the birth of their twin daughters. I can't even begin to explain what they went through after delivering 25 week old twins...itsy bitsy babies...and they survived. One of them is deaf, and the other is perfectly healthy. But that is it...they are both healthy little girls. Such little blessings and miracles those two are. That was tough though, watching the parents go through wondering if their little babies would survive or not. My hair would be white from worry during the remainder of those weeks of what should have been gestation in the womb, instead outside and wondering if they would survive. And just recently their mom's brother was murdered. I can't imagine. I'm not cut out for that life!!
And then there the Patwa's...Amy has cancer, she is a year younger than me, and has a 1 year old daughter. She just finished treatment for breast cancer 5 months ago...and just recently found out she has cancer again. She is on treatments now for treating the cancer that is incurable. Her husband doesn't have a job and she just lost her job. And to top it off, her dad, by the sounds of it, is dying from cancer. I'm not cut out for that life!!!
And I can't forget about the family who I followed their blog last fall who lost their 2 year old son to neuroblastoma, and yet him mom was pregnant w/ twins and gave birth early and lost one of the twins and now has a son who I hope is doing awesome. They deserve a sweet healthy baby boy. I'm not cut out for that life!!
...and if I sat here long enough, I could write on and on many many paragraphs and come up with others who have suffered way more than I can imagine...I can think of others whose lives I'm not cut out for. So, I'll leave this as my blog for today...I'm thankful for my crazy life!! I'm thankful for the blahness of it!! I'm going to quit complaining (well, I'll try!) But, I will accept life as it is and be thankful for what I do have!! and not for what I don't have!! I'm thankful for the trials that I have endured and the lessons that I have learned from them. I pray I don't forget what lessons I've learned. I pray that I will always be thankful for my life. The life that God has so graciously given me...not to mention the lives that He has entrusted to me!! ;) ...my sweet babies!!
Thank you Lord for MY life!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Who am I?
Who am I? This is something that most people ponder when they are in high school...not me...I'm wondering this now, in my 30's. I think I knew who I was in high school and some how I have forgotten. Somehow I have forgotten that strong self assurance.
Or did I know? Did my parents just mask who I was, as a child of theirs and that was enough? It was enough to be "Deedie, daughter of Ned and Debbie?"
My parents did a great job raising me. Throughout my entire life, it never mattered to me what others thought of me. Well, I'd be lying if I ever knew someone absolutely didn't like me or talked bad about me behind my back, but because I had the self esteem that I had, I don't think I ever thought anyone would think bad of me. I was pretty much always liked and very few people didn't like me, and nothing ever made me think other wise.
I think back on my past, I had every right to have a low self esteem, here are a few reasons why:
When I was in the 4th grade, I wore my headgear to school,...I can remember one kid making fun of me, but I totally was able to blow it off. I think I actually thought it was funny too. I can remember, it was Brian Pauly (wonder what has happened to him?,) and he said, "Earth to Deedie. Earth to Deedie." And it didn't matter, I continued to wear my head gear.
Then I can remember in the 5th grade, I got my hair cut...the Demi Moore 1980's style, and I looked like a boy. But once again, it didn't matter to me what others thought. Most people would be afraid to cut their hair off for fear of what they would look like...to me, it was just hair, if I didn't like it, it would grow back.
I can remember getting braces in the 7th grade, who cares.
I can remember once again, chopping my hair off in the 11th grade and looking quite special now that I look back in pictures, but I didn't care. I knew my hair would grow back if I wanted it.
I had a best friend from 7th grade until 10th grade and one day, she wrote me a note, breaking up with me. And we were inseparable during those years. It was a big deal, don't get me wrong, and I cried a lot. It broke my heart, but it didn't break me. I still knew who I was. And once I got over it, I got right back up went back to my life.
Finally 12th grade, I was a pretty little girl who had boys interested in me for the first time ever. I guess you could say, I finally blossomed, no braces, shoulder length hair, started wearing makeup...just cute. I didn't even know how to handle boys showing interest in me. I was mostly an ice queen...pretty mean, telling them that I wasn't interested or that I wasn't their type. I did have a boyfriend from the summer after 11th grade until I graduated and started college. That was the only boyfriend I ever had other than my husband. But boys didn't define who I was. Nothing defined who I was. I already had my mind made up. There was nothing wrong with me. I was who I was and I was happy with that.
So what changed in my 30's? Why did I all of a sudden have a crazy time trying to find myself? Was the definition I had of myself wrong? Maybe. But what I really think happened was I never really truly defined myself as a child of God. I was a child of my parents who loved me unconditionally. And now I realize that first I am a daughter of God and second a daughter to my mom and dad.
Now, I'm ready to continue my journey to develop a true definition of myself. One that will give me every right to be conceited and think high of myself...but because of God's craftiness, He's already shown me that it's not about me and how I view myself in comparison to everyone else, it's about the way He views me. But my in my relationship between He and I, I will know how much He loves me and thinks of me, and will show others how much He loves and thinks of them too. It's not about how worldly things here on earth define us, it's about how He defines us. He defines us all the same! We are His children.
I thank God for the blessing of being a parent and being a parent of more than one child. This experience has given me a glimpse of how much He loves me, because I LOVE my children. And because I have more than one child, I understand how you love all of your children with the same amount of unconditional love even though they are all different. And different is what makes our family so unique and awesome!
Until my next thoughts are worth jotting down...take care!
Or did I know? Did my parents just mask who I was, as a child of theirs and that was enough? It was enough to be "Deedie, daughter of Ned and Debbie?"
My parents did a great job raising me. Throughout my entire life, it never mattered to me what others thought of me. Well, I'd be lying if I ever knew someone absolutely didn't like me or talked bad about me behind my back, but because I had the self esteem that I had, I don't think I ever thought anyone would think bad of me. I was pretty much always liked and very few people didn't like me, and nothing ever made me think other wise.
I think back on my past, I had every right to have a low self esteem, here are a few reasons why:
When I was in the 4th grade, I wore my headgear to school,...I can remember one kid making fun of me, but I totally was able to blow it off. I think I actually thought it was funny too. I can remember, it was Brian Pauly (wonder what has happened to him?,) and he said, "Earth to Deedie. Earth to Deedie." And it didn't matter, I continued to wear my head gear.
Then I can remember in the 5th grade, I got my hair cut...the Demi Moore 1980's style, and I looked like a boy. But once again, it didn't matter to me what others thought. Most people would be afraid to cut their hair off for fear of what they would look like...to me, it was just hair, if I didn't like it, it would grow back.
I can remember getting braces in the 7th grade, who cares.
I can remember once again, chopping my hair off in the 11th grade and looking quite special now that I look back in pictures, but I didn't care. I knew my hair would grow back if I wanted it.
I had a best friend from 7th grade until 10th grade and one day, she wrote me a note, breaking up with me. And we were inseparable during those years. It was a big deal, don't get me wrong, and I cried a lot. It broke my heart, but it didn't break me. I still knew who I was. And once I got over it, I got right back up went back to my life.
Finally 12th grade, I was a pretty little girl who had boys interested in me for the first time ever. I guess you could say, I finally blossomed, no braces, shoulder length hair, started wearing makeup...just cute. I didn't even know how to handle boys showing interest in me. I was mostly an ice queen...pretty mean, telling them that I wasn't interested or that I wasn't their type. I did have a boyfriend from the summer after 11th grade until I graduated and started college. That was the only boyfriend I ever had other than my husband. But boys didn't define who I was. Nothing defined who I was. I already had my mind made up. There was nothing wrong with me. I was who I was and I was happy with that.
So what changed in my 30's? Why did I all of a sudden have a crazy time trying to find myself? Was the definition I had of myself wrong? Maybe. But what I really think happened was I never really truly defined myself as a child of God. I was a child of my parents who loved me unconditionally. And now I realize that first I am a daughter of God and second a daughter to my mom and dad.
Now, I'm ready to continue my journey to develop a true definition of myself. One that will give me every right to be conceited and think high of myself...but because of God's craftiness, He's already shown me that it's not about me and how I view myself in comparison to everyone else, it's about the way He views me. But my in my relationship between He and I, I will know how much He loves me and thinks of me, and will show others how much He loves and thinks of them too. It's not about how worldly things here on earth define us, it's about how He defines us. He defines us all the same! We are His children.
I thank God for the blessing of being a parent and being a parent of more than one child. This experience has given me a glimpse of how much He loves me, because I LOVE my children. And because I have more than one child, I understand how you love all of your children with the same amount of unconditional love even though they are all different. And different is what makes our family so unique and awesome!
Until my next thoughts are worth jotting down...take care!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Epiphany...I need to look in the mirror!
Epiphany, "Sudden realization about the nature or meaning of something. An epiphany can often come about due to some experience that may trigger the sudden realization."
Man, last night I had one of these miraculous epiphanies and it was mind boggling. It just might be one of the first "real" epiphanies I have every experienced. I was taking a shower and hanging out talking to God...it's the one place I can be completely all by myself and all I have to think about is washing off, and I have been doing that all by myself since I was 5 years old. I'm pretty good at it by now. It's a completely brainless activity...perfect time to talk to God without interruptions.
Ta-da...the epiphany struck me, right there in the shower, as if I ran in to a brick wall.
I am going to have to ramble a little bit in order for you to understand how I came up on my epiphany/brick wall. Bare with me...
While in the shower, I was thinking about my day yesterday. It started off so rocky...Jessie has these sort of tantrums that are brought on by her clothes rubbing her skin wrong. She says that she has "tired skin" and it hurts her when the seams of her clothes rub her skin. It's awful! She screams like there are razors in her clothes cutting her skin. She has very real sensory issues. I literally had to throw my half dressed daughter in the van with Preston and shut the door...wish Preston luck, and just be thankful I was able to say good bye and walk away from her.
We punish her in so many different ways trying to see if one of the methods will work. But when that kid is having her tantrum, NOTHING works. We take things away that are really important to her, she doesn't care. On Christmas day, we took away all of her Santa gifts...it was awful. But it didn't matter. Yesterday we told her no dance classes (she loves dance!) She didn't care. She could not get over herself.
And when all of this happens, and I see that nothing can make her stop these tantrums except for giving her time...I throw my hands up and wonder where I have gone wrong.
Then my thoughts left yesterday's events and wandered off to the talk with her the other day after she had one of her tantrums and had calmed down. I told her how when we take things away and she still doesn't try to control herself, how it makes us feel like she doesn't appreciate the things we do for her. How it seems that she doesn't like the things we give her or anyone else gives her. I try explaining to her that her daddy doesn't make very much money and the things we buy her, like dance classes, clothes, special outings, are special for her to get to have and when we have to take them away because she cannot "try" to control herself, that it hurts our feelings and makes us not want to do things for her because she doesn't seem to appreciate them. (Now, this may be guilt provoking thoughts I'm feeding her, but trust me, I get desperate in hopes that I might say the right thing that might make the difference to make her want to try to control herself during her tantrums.)
BAM...right there, that thought, that memory of my conversation with her is what struck me so hard last night in the shower. I am a hypocrite!!
My mind raced back to yesterday morninging's quiet time... I hit the thought about forgiveness and God's grace...that's when it really was all laid out for me...God's amazing GRACE...How many times has God given ME something and no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is I am not appreciative? How many times? How many times has He given me these beautiful things that He gave me because He loves me so and how many times do I disobey Him despite these wonderful things He has given me. Thank God He hasn't taken them away.
Because right then at that point in my reflection, it struck me...How many times am I frustrated and ready to give up on being a mom? Many times!! And how many times do I handle my roll as a mom wrongly? Many times! I thank Him for His grace and mercy He shows on me. Right then, I realized that I needed to ask for forgiveness and be thankful for what I have!! Because no matter how bad I am or how unappreciative I may seem, those three little beauties are not something I am willing to have taken away from me. He can take anything else, just not them. And I'd like to keep Preston too! ;)
Talk about a brick wall...that epiphany struck me like a brick wall! And that was definitely an epiphany. I am so thankful that God showed it to me. I needed to see it. I also need to work on showing Jessie grace. I need to pray about how to show it to her that helps her. I pray that the next time I am about to judge someone, my own child or a friend, that I look in the mirror first before I judge them!!
Man, last night I had one of these miraculous epiphanies and it was mind boggling. It just might be one of the first "real" epiphanies I have every experienced. I was taking a shower and hanging out talking to God...it's the one place I can be completely all by myself and all I have to think about is washing off, and I have been doing that all by myself since I was 5 years old. I'm pretty good at it by now. It's a completely brainless activity...perfect time to talk to God without interruptions.
Ta-da...the epiphany struck me, right there in the shower, as if I ran in to a brick wall.
I am going to have to ramble a little bit in order for you to understand how I came up on my epiphany/brick wall. Bare with me...
While in the shower, I was thinking about my day yesterday. It started off so rocky...Jessie has these sort of tantrums that are brought on by her clothes rubbing her skin wrong. She says that she has "tired skin" and it hurts her when the seams of her clothes rub her skin. It's awful! She screams like there are razors in her clothes cutting her skin. She has very real sensory issues. I literally had to throw my half dressed daughter in the van with Preston and shut the door...wish Preston luck, and just be thankful I was able to say good bye and walk away from her.
We punish her in so many different ways trying to see if one of the methods will work. But when that kid is having her tantrum, NOTHING works. We take things away that are really important to her, she doesn't care. On Christmas day, we took away all of her Santa gifts...it was awful. But it didn't matter. Yesterday we told her no dance classes (she loves dance!) She didn't care. She could not get over herself.
And when all of this happens, and I see that nothing can make her stop these tantrums except for giving her time...I throw my hands up and wonder where I have gone wrong.
Then my thoughts left yesterday's events and wandered off to the talk with her the other day after she had one of her tantrums and had calmed down. I told her how when we take things away and she still doesn't try to control herself, how it makes us feel like she doesn't appreciate the things we do for her. How it seems that she doesn't like the things we give her or anyone else gives her. I try explaining to her that her daddy doesn't make very much money and the things we buy her, like dance classes, clothes, special outings, are special for her to get to have and when we have to take them away because she cannot "try" to control herself, that it hurts our feelings and makes us not want to do things for her because she doesn't seem to appreciate them. (Now, this may be guilt provoking thoughts I'm feeding her, but trust me, I get desperate in hopes that I might say the right thing that might make the difference to make her want to try to control herself during her tantrums.)
BAM...right there, that thought, that memory of my conversation with her is what struck me so hard last night in the shower. I am a hypocrite!!
My mind raced back to yesterday morninging's quiet time... I hit the thought about forgiveness and God's grace...that's when it really was all laid out for me...God's amazing GRACE...How many times has God given ME something and no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is I am not appreciative? How many times? How many times has He given me these beautiful things that He gave me because He loves me so and how many times do I disobey Him despite these wonderful things He has given me. Thank God He hasn't taken them away.
Because right then at that point in my reflection, it struck me...How many times am I frustrated and ready to give up on being a mom? Many times!! And how many times do I handle my roll as a mom wrongly? Many times! I thank Him for His grace and mercy He shows on me. Right then, I realized that I needed to ask for forgiveness and be thankful for what I have!! Because no matter how bad I am or how unappreciative I may seem, those three little beauties are not something I am willing to have taken away from me. He can take anything else, just not them. And I'd like to keep Preston too! ;)
Talk about a brick wall...that epiphany struck me like a brick wall! And that was definitely an epiphany. I am so thankful that God showed it to me. I needed to see it. I also need to work on showing Jessie grace. I need to pray about how to show it to her that helps her. I pray that the next time I am about to judge someone, my own child or a friend, that I look in the mirror first before I judge them!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Forgiveness...but first...
First off...I have not started my new blog...see, I should have never admitted to that...it hasn't happened yet. I am not a tech savvy person, therefore, one might call me a technophobe...pretty sure that would describe me accurately...or maybe not, because once I learn how to do something, I'll do it, it's just learning it, that's where my issues lie.
Anyway, with that off my chest, I can continue with what else is on my mind...
Forgiveness...it's sweet, but it's hard to give and sometimes hard to receive, and to me, it's even hard to really understand and comprehend...how exactly do you do it?...and just when I thought I understood it, I don't. To really forgive, one must really and truly and whole heartedly do it...so how is that done? And oh my goodness...don't forget that grudge you have been holding toward someone...you can't forgive them even if you think/know you are in the right if you don't confront them! You can't forgive them if they don't even know that you are upset at them...How can they even know you are upset? It's not fair to hold that grudge if you are not willing to put it out there on the table. There needs to be a "Sorry!" in order to forgive. See, it's very complex!!
Oh my goodness...I have been reading the most amazing book EVER. It's funny, I've always sort of stayed away from the "Max Lucado band wagon," but not any more. In the Grip of Grace, by Max Lucado, he gives one of the best explanations of forgiveness...Chapter 15.
Forgiveness has been on my mind for quite some time, about 6 months now. I know of this family that is sort of being torn apart by several acquisitions that are not true...although I don't know the specifics, this is what is being told to me by a very reliable source. It's one of those deals where someone is being wrongfully accused of something (again, this is all I know about the story.)
I've had a hard time being able to understand or explain to them about forgiveness. And man, Max Lucado has summed it all up for me.
You see, first this family needs to one on one discuss the matter...lay it out there...say what is being said...give and listen to both sides of the story...and then see what is left from the discussion..."sorry?," and then in turn, forgiveness? But you see, neither of these things can happen if the discussion never happens. All that will come of this is bitterness and a split up family. Sad (Matthew 18:15-20).
And then forgiveness comes in to play...but that can't happen until the "matter" is laid out on the table. Once that happens...if a "sorry" is not offered, then you have done what you can...but the cool thing there is that once that happens, you can let it go and know that you have done your best.
If a "sorry" is offered, then it's back in your court...forgiveness. The tricky thing here is to fully forgive. It's so cool. You see, when Jesus died on the cross, he died for ALL of our sins...the sins of us all. We are ALL sinners...he didn't just die for one or two of our sins either. He died for ALL of our sins. The sins we committed before we knew the law and became Christians and even those we are going to commit as Christians. And since we are all human, we all sin, therefore, we are all equal.
And when we forgive, we are not keeping tabs on our mercy and we are not calibrating our grace that we show towards someone...if we are doing these things we are not being merciful or gracious (Lucado, 152).
And a cool point that Lucado makes is coming straight from the bible, written in red print in my bible, which means these are the words of Jesus (Matt. 18-21-35). It's a story about a servant who asks his master to release him of his enormous debt...the master does so graciously. Then the same servant is asked by a fellow servant to be patient with him while he will try to repay his debt. The first servant demands the second servant be thrown in jail. Right after he (first servant) was just freed from his debt by the master.
The first servant never really accepted the grace that was given to him by his master. The first servant's "debt was far greater than his power to repay" (Lucado, 153.) And yet, the master forgave him. There was no way that the first servant could repay his debt because it was so great. And then the servant forgot the grace that was shown to him once he was asked to be patient on a payback...the first servant never gave his fellow servant a chance...and besides, how could he repay his debt in jail?
But must we all forget the debt that was forgiven when Christ died on the cross for us? He died for us all. Therefore, as Ephesians 4:32 states, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Strong words! Words that I pray God will engrave in my heart! They will be there forever. And truly there, to the bottom of their meanings. That they are not superficial words. They are words with true meaning, that I cling to. I need to forgive and have a merciful, and gracious heart, and mean it to the depths of my being.
As Hebrews 12:14-15 states, We are to make sure that we live in peace with men and that "no root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Which in turn, means even more to me as a mom. I have little eyes who watch how I treat and love those around me. I need to make sure I do not cause trouble that causes my children or my non-Christian friends to stray or my Christian friends at that. It is a pretty big responsibility being a Christian. But I pray that I can be a vessel for God. I want to know that all of my friends will someday be in heaven when I am there or join me there, which ever happens first.
I am going to end with this awesome quote that I am taking from Lucado, the last paragraph in Chapter 15. The quote is about two World War I soldiers...a German soldier plunges into a shell hole and finds a wounded enemy who is dying. He helps his enemy take one last glance of his family as he dies. "Two enemies saw each other as humans in need of help. This is forgiveness. Forgiveness begins by rising above the war, looking beyond the uniform, and choosing to see the other, not as a foe or even as a friend, but simply as a fellow fighter longing to make it home safely."
Isn't that beautiful?!! I love it!! Just as much as I love the quote from Kyle Matthews, the gentleman whose 2 year old son just passed away, Exactly what I have been reading about in this book. I wonder if Kyle read it too?
These types of statements are what I am using to cling to (besides the bible of course) so that I can be the person who God wants me to be. It's a constant struggle sometimes between wanting to be human and worldly and to be a child of God. I feel that God, instead of molding me with clay, is chiseling me out of hard stone. It's amazing how hard it is for God to shape me, my stubborn self. And yet, He is the one who created us. He must love a challenge!! ;)
Anyway, with that off my chest, I can continue with what else is on my mind...
Forgiveness...it's sweet, but it's hard to give and sometimes hard to receive, and to me, it's even hard to really understand and comprehend...how exactly do you do it?...and just when I thought I understood it, I don't. To really forgive, one must really and truly and whole heartedly do it...so how is that done? And oh my goodness...don't forget that grudge you have been holding toward someone...you can't forgive them even if you think/know you are in the right if you don't confront them! You can't forgive them if they don't even know that you are upset at them...How can they even know you are upset? It's not fair to hold that grudge if you are not willing to put it out there on the table. There needs to be a "Sorry!" in order to forgive. See, it's very complex!!
Oh my goodness...I have been reading the most amazing book EVER. It's funny, I've always sort of stayed away from the "Max Lucado band wagon," but not any more. In the Grip of Grace, by Max Lucado, he gives one of the best explanations of forgiveness...Chapter 15.
Forgiveness has been on my mind for quite some time, about 6 months now. I know of this family that is sort of being torn apart by several acquisitions that are not true...although I don't know the specifics, this is what is being told to me by a very reliable source. It's one of those deals where someone is being wrongfully accused of something (again, this is all I know about the story.)
I've had a hard time being able to understand or explain to them about forgiveness. And man, Max Lucado has summed it all up for me.
You see, first this family needs to one on one discuss the matter...lay it out there...say what is being said...give and listen to both sides of the story...and then see what is left from the discussion..."sorry?," and then in turn, forgiveness? But you see, neither of these things can happen if the discussion never happens. All that will come of this is bitterness and a split up family. Sad (Matthew 18:15-20).
And then forgiveness comes in to play...but that can't happen until the "matter" is laid out on the table. Once that happens...if a "sorry" is not offered, then you have done what you can...but the cool thing there is that once that happens, you can let it go and know that you have done your best.
If a "sorry" is offered, then it's back in your court...forgiveness. The tricky thing here is to fully forgive. It's so cool. You see, when Jesus died on the cross, he died for ALL of our sins...the sins of us all. We are ALL sinners...he didn't just die for one or two of our sins either. He died for ALL of our sins. The sins we committed before we knew the law and became Christians and even those we are going to commit as Christians. And since we are all human, we all sin, therefore, we are all equal.
And when we forgive, we are not keeping tabs on our mercy and we are not calibrating our grace that we show towards someone...if we are doing these things we are not being merciful or gracious (Lucado, 152).
And a cool point that Lucado makes is coming straight from the bible, written in red print in my bible, which means these are the words of Jesus (Matt. 18-21-35). It's a story about a servant who asks his master to release him of his enormous debt...the master does so graciously. Then the same servant is asked by a fellow servant to be patient with him while he will try to repay his debt. The first servant demands the second servant be thrown in jail. Right after he (first servant) was just freed from his debt by the master.
The first servant never really accepted the grace that was given to him by his master. The first servant's "debt was far greater than his power to repay" (Lucado, 153.) And yet, the master forgave him. There was no way that the first servant could repay his debt because it was so great. And then the servant forgot the grace that was shown to him once he was asked to be patient on a payback...the first servant never gave his fellow servant a chance...and besides, how could he repay his debt in jail?
But must we all forget the debt that was forgiven when Christ died on the cross for us? He died for us all. Therefore, as Ephesians 4:32 states, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Strong words! Words that I pray God will engrave in my heart! They will be there forever. And truly there, to the bottom of their meanings. That they are not superficial words. They are words with true meaning, that I cling to. I need to forgive and have a merciful, and gracious heart, and mean it to the depths of my being.
As Hebrews 12:14-15 states, We are to make sure that we live in peace with men and that "no root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Which in turn, means even more to me as a mom. I have little eyes who watch how I treat and love those around me. I need to make sure I do not cause trouble that causes my children or my non-Christian friends to stray or my Christian friends at that. It is a pretty big responsibility being a Christian. But I pray that I can be a vessel for God. I want to know that all of my friends will someday be in heaven when I am there or join me there, which ever happens first.
I am going to end with this awesome quote that I am taking from Lucado, the last paragraph in Chapter 15. The quote is about two World War I soldiers...a German soldier plunges into a shell hole and finds a wounded enemy who is dying. He helps his enemy take one last glance of his family as he dies. "Two enemies saw each other as humans in need of help. This is forgiveness. Forgiveness begins by rising above the war, looking beyond the uniform, and choosing to see the other, not as a foe or even as a friend, but simply as a fellow fighter longing to make it home safely."
Isn't that beautiful?!! I love it!! Just as much as I love the quote from Kyle Matthews, the gentleman whose 2 year old son just passed away, Exactly what I have been reading about in this book. I wonder if Kyle read it too?
These types of statements are what I am using to cling to (besides the bible of course) so that I can be the person who God wants me to be. It's a constant struggle sometimes between wanting to be human and worldly and to be a child of God. I feel that God, instead of molding me with clay, is chiseling me out of hard stone. It's amazing how hard it is for God to shape me, my stubborn self. And yet, He is the one who created us. He must love a challenge!! ;)
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