Gosh, I have been finding out lately how weird I am. Not only me, but my husband too. It's funny, neither of us have a lot of close friends...I mean, we have friends, but as far as a best friend, we don't have one...except for one another of course. Preston really is my absolute BEST friend in the entire world. That is pretty sweet to say it, mean, and know it.
My husband is my BEST friend! Pretty stinkin' sweet!
But he and I both feel that no one really wants to be our friends. Our close friend, that is. Those who we think would be really true friends, live far away and those who we have been friends w/ our whole life, just don't seem that real. We get frustrated easily by people who seem one way and act another. We don't do fake. We don't do people who want to be someone who they are...we want real people in our lives. People living out life the way we are. Trying to be who God wants them to be...at least I'm speaking for myself for sure. Preston, I'm pretty positive is on the same page as me.
I have struggled my whole entire life w/ this "friend journey." You'd think I would have learned something by now. Something as to how to be a friend, how to make a friend, how to KEEP a friend. But no, I continue today in my 30's on how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. It's funny, I often find that people change and I stay the same. The same ol' me.
But I must do something to people to make them frustrated w/ me so easily. Or is it in my head? Maybe I don't frustrate them, and what it is, is that I have nothing except for myself to give them. I'm not fake, I don't conform easily or at all, I am me! What you see, is exactly what you get...there's very little hidden behind the scenes.
Anyway, maybe one day, I'll get the picture. I'll figure how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. Or maybe others will decide that I'm ok, just the way I am.
I am a strange person. My whole life, I have done exactly what I feel is right. I have never easily conformed to others. I have lived my life the way that I wanted to, mostly, maybe not all the time, but mostly, living my life the way I feel God desires for me. I try hard to follow His will...and I have to say that has been my number one influence...which is the best influence to have...and maybe that is what has made me such a strange bird. I don't know.
What I do know, is that I am ready for some REAL friends. People who are exactly what you see is what you get!! People who want to be my friend because they love my heart!...and that is it!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I am not a mom to my full potential, that's for sure!
How many times do I ignore my children? A LOT!! There are so many times that I find myself putting other things first...such as right now...I am trying to type this, fix my kiddos breakfast (yes, at 10:45 a.m.!) have Jessie take a shower, while needing to be cleaning the house!! I will do anything to try to procrastinate things...even ignoring my children so that I have a minute to myself. I feel like I have real issues. Do any other moms out there do this? or is it just me?
It's good to know that God doesn't ignore me. It's good to know that God isn't a father to me like I am a mother to my children.
I really need to work on this parenting stuff. It makes me think that there is something wrong w/ me.
I really don't want to be a parent who ignores their children. I don't want to be that mom that later on down the road wishes I loved them a little more or held them in my arms a little longer.
I always hear older moms tell me, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast. Before you know it, they will be going off to college." While they are telling me this, all I can do is find myself wishing them to grow up so that I can have my own life back. Do the things that I want to do.
Ok, maybe I don't wish them to be going off to college right yet, but I do find myself being excited about the time that they are all 5 and older!! I think that is going to be an awesome time!! Gosh, I hope it is!!
Having 2, almost 3 year olds and a 6 year old is hard work...mainly the 2, almost 3 year olds!! That's where the hard work is! They are CRAZY!!!
Anyway, my prayer is that I am a mom with no regrets. That I do my best and be the mom God has intended me to be. After all, He did give me these sweet kiddos...He has entrusted them to me. What a privilege! I pray that I parent with that in mind!!
It's good to know that God doesn't ignore me. It's good to know that God isn't a father to me like I am a mother to my children.
I really need to work on this parenting stuff. It makes me think that there is something wrong w/ me.
I really don't want to be a parent who ignores their children. I don't want to be that mom that later on down the road wishes I loved them a little more or held them in my arms a little longer.
I always hear older moms tell me, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast. Before you know it, they will be going off to college." While they are telling me this, all I can do is find myself wishing them to grow up so that I can have my own life back. Do the things that I want to do.
Ok, maybe I don't wish them to be going off to college right yet, but I do find myself being excited about the time that they are all 5 and older!! I think that is going to be an awesome time!! Gosh, I hope it is!!
Having 2, almost 3 year olds and a 6 year old is hard work...mainly the 2, almost 3 year olds!! That's where the hard work is! They are CRAZY!!!
Anyway, my prayer is that I am a mom with no regrets. That I do my best and be the mom God has intended me to be. After all, He did give me these sweet kiddos...He has entrusted them to me. What a privilege! I pray that I parent with that in mind!!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I don't have it bad...
Hey! It's been a while since I've been on here blogging my crazy thoughts...so here is what is on my mind right now...
I can often get caught up in how bad or blah I feel that my life is. I often feel sort of "whoa is me." I get frustrated at the fact that I stay home w/ three kids. It's tough. I sometimes feel that I was not cut out for this...but through several of my friends lately, I am not cut out for their lives...
The Carter's for example...They have been through so much since the birth of their twin daughters. I can't even begin to explain what they went through after delivering 25 week old twins...itsy bitsy babies...and they survived. One of them is deaf, and the other is perfectly healthy. But that is it...they are both healthy little girls. Such little blessings and miracles those two are. That was tough though, watching the parents go through wondering if their little babies would survive or not. My hair would be white from worry during the remainder of those weeks of what should have been gestation in the womb, instead outside and wondering if they would survive. And just recently their mom's brother was murdered. I can't imagine. I'm not cut out for that life!!
And then there the Patwa's...Amy has cancer, she is a year younger than me, and has a 1 year old daughter. She just finished treatment for breast cancer 5 months ago...and just recently found out she has cancer again. She is on treatments now for treating the cancer that is incurable. Her husband doesn't have a job and she just lost her job. And to top it off, her dad, by the sounds of it, is dying from cancer. I'm not cut out for that life!!!
And I can't forget about the family who I followed their blog last fall who lost their 2 year old son to neuroblastoma, and yet him mom was pregnant w/ twins and gave birth early and lost one of the twins and now has a son who I hope is doing awesome. They deserve a sweet healthy baby boy. I'm not cut out for that life!!
...and if I sat here long enough, I could write on and on many many paragraphs and come up with others who have suffered way more than I can imagine...I can think of others whose lives I'm not cut out for. So, I'll leave this as my blog for today...I'm thankful for my crazy life!! I'm thankful for the blahness of it!! I'm going to quit complaining (well, I'll try!) But, I will accept life as it is and be thankful for what I do have!! and not for what I don't have!! I'm thankful for the trials that I have endured and the lessons that I have learned from them. I pray I don't forget what lessons I've learned. I pray that I will always be thankful for my life. The life that God has so graciously given me...not to mention the lives that He has entrusted to me!! ;) ...my sweet babies!!
Thank you Lord for MY life!
I can often get caught up in how bad or blah I feel that my life is. I often feel sort of "whoa is me." I get frustrated at the fact that I stay home w/ three kids. It's tough. I sometimes feel that I was not cut out for this...but through several of my friends lately, I am not cut out for their lives...
The Carter's for example...They have been through so much since the birth of their twin daughters. I can't even begin to explain what they went through after delivering 25 week old twins...itsy bitsy babies...and they survived. One of them is deaf, and the other is perfectly healthy. But that is it...they are both healthy little girls. Such little blessings and miracles those two are. That was tough though, watching the parents go through wondering if their little babies would survive or not. My hair would be white from worry during the remainder of those weeks of what should have been gestation in the womb, instead outside and wondering if they would survive. And just recently their mom's brother was murdered. I can't imagine. I'm not cut out for that life!!
And then there the Patwa's...Amy has cancer, she is a year younger than me, and has a 1 year old daughter. She just finished treatment for breast cancer 5 months ago...and just recently found out she has cancer again. She is on treatments now for treating the cancer that is incurable. Her husband doesn't have a job and she just lost her job. And to top it off, her dad, by the sounds of it, is dying from cancer. I'm not cut out for that life!!!
And I can't forget about the family who I followed their blog last fall who lost their 2 year old son to neuroblastoma, and yet him mom was pregnant w/ twins and gave birth early and lost one of the twins and now has a son who I hope is doing awesome. They deserve a sweet healthy baby boy. I'm not cut out for that life!!
...and if I sat here long enough, I could write on and on many many paragraphs and come up with others who have suffered way more than I can imagine...I can think of others whose lives I'm not cut out for. So, I'll leave this as my blog for today...I'm thankful for my crazy life!! I'm thankful for the blahness of it!! I'm going to quit complaining (well, I'll try!) But, I will accept life as it is and be thankful for what I do have!! and not for what I don't have!! I'm thankful for the trials that I have endured and the lessons that I have learned from them. I pray I don't forget what lessons I've learned. I pray that I will always be thankful for my life. The life that God has so graciously given me...not to mention the lives that He has entrusted to me!! ;) ...my sweet babies!!
Thank you Lord for MY life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
