Just kidding...I know who he is. Last night, my facebook lit up with Tebow!! Tebow EVERY where, even on those who don't love Christ...and they are the ones that make me concerned about what Tebow is doing so publicly.
I admire him for what he does at his ballgames...and for some people, this is a huge turn off. I feel like the Christian community is who is benefiting from this and not the non-Christian community. Funny don't you thing?!
I even wonder if Tebow is getting frustrated by all the attention.
Do you know, I saw some non-Christians saying really bad things about Tebow? Makes you think, doesn't it. Makes you think as a Christian, if being SO bold is really worth it...after all, it's not the healthy that need a doctor, it's the sick. And what are we doing to the sick to make them not want to go see a doctor?
Good question.
And don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that Tebow is not ashamed of his love for Christ...but it makes me sad for those who don't get what he is doing and find it more of at "turn off."
I'm sort of feeling sorry for all of those other football players out there, who just "plain ol' love" their teammates, and that is how they are sharing Christ with others. I'm positive that there are other football players who love Christ...let's commend them, for not getting the advertisement that Tebow is getting. Let's commend them for doing the silent job of serving Christ. I know from experience, that there are people in this world who will be turned off by this boldness.
And, it makes me wonder if that is what Tebow was wanting...all of this publicity from the Christian community? Is that what he was after...and if so, then he needs to quit. However, I'm not sure...I want to hear an interview of him telling his fans, "Thank you, but please, this is me praising our Lord. I don't want all of this advertisement." ...and maybe he has, I don't watch sports stuff!!! Although, I'm sure the team management are all loving this advertisement...or are they? I don't know, because I don't read the newspaper or internet or watch sports related anything!! I'm not a good judge of this really!
(...Ok, I just watched a little thing on Tebow...he seems to be a pretty cool guy who loves Jesus...so it's stinky what all of this advertising has done to his Christianity as viewed amongst the non-Christians...at least from what I've gathered from looking at my non-Christian friends status updates from last night. Sad what the wrong publicity can do.)
I'm sure it's his way of showing his love TO Christ, out loud. Which I think we all need to think about it...what good or bad are we doing? We need to evaluate this!
Just a lot of questions today and unknown unless we speak to Tebow...but this blog post today, is more of a thank you to all of those out there who do remain silent with words/motions/symbols/etc. that represent Christ, and a "YOU GO!" to those who do not get recognition for their witnessing. After all, what are you trying to win? people to love you? or people to love Christ?
In the Christian community, I sometimes feel that it is harder to choose to be silent than bold about your love for Christ.
But seriously, Jesus did a lot of things that He got criticized for by the Christians...REALLY makes you think doesn't it? He healed on the Sabbath, He ate dinner with a bunch of sinners, He hung out with prostitutes, He did a lot of things that in the eye of other Christians, was not considered good...and He was the Son of God. I want to be more like Jesus, not be what Christians expect of me!
I don't need anyone's approval or pat on my shoulder except for His!!
...one more thing. I have experienced first hand how hard this is. My husband and I both have learned over time that it is harder and you may get more criticism from Christians by being silent than you will by being bold.
Interesting to me, the other day, my husband was speaking with my uncle, my uncle (who is a pastor) told him, in the past that he has wondered about his faith. Funny, because I've know my husband for 15 years and never once wondered this.
But you see, my husband is silent about his love for Christ...but not really. What he is, is bold like Jesus by how he shows it. He is willing to step out on a limb, do something that Christians may not approve of, for knowing that he will gain the trust of someone in order to share his love for Christ with them. This, is bold, people!!! Don't get me wrong, he's not out there doing things that Christ would not approve of...but he's hanging out with those who Christians don't approve of...and he's willing to go hang out at the skate park, go hunting, go fishing, go skiing, go places that may not have the most reputable reputations in order to win a soul over to Christ...just as Jesus did. (Not partake of the same actions of those involved...but be with them! And now, that he has a family to take care of, I think he thinks a little more responsible of what he gets himself into...however, for Christ, I'm ok with whatever! I would not want to get in the way of him winning over someone's heart for Christ, that's for sure!)
This is the man who deserves recognition...however, he would never want that! for fear that those he is trying to reach would be "turned off" by that.
My husband is so wise. He's such a good man of our household. He is such an amazing man of God. I love him...and I've learned what it means to love like Christ by watching him. I am so blessed to know him, and even more blessed to be his wife...such a privilege! Another example to me, to know that God is in control, and to let Him be!
Pretty sweet!!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year's Resolution...ha...
No New Year's resolutions here!!...but other cool things for sure!
Where to begin?...
It's been a while since I last blogged...I have so much on my mind lately. Where to pick up from my last blog, is why I keep procrastinating writing on here again.
God has blessed me beyond my imagination. I seriously mean, I could not have planned my life to be this way if I had tried. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but every little detail is in its right place, and only a God so powerful and loving could have done that for me.
So much has happened since August, I can't believe I haven't blogged about it...well, yes, I can, because I have 3 little kids that keep me busy while trying to run a little small flower business and at the same time Halloween happened, Thanksgiving happened, and Christmas happened, and New Year's happened, while living out this crazy busy life of keeping up with a house hold (of which I am awful at!,) attending an in depth bible study (which was amazing!,) two weekends away: going out of town for our anniversary and going to the mtns with my sister and mom, and trying to spend quality time with our extended families as well. It's been busy, and that pretty much sums it up!!!
***As for our anniversary this year, I have to add, it was on November 11, 2011, we were married for 11 years...pretty cool! Something that I AM SO thankful for is my sweet husband who loves me dearly, and for that, I am KNOW God loves me so much for giving me that sweet sweet man in my life, who really is my better half!! We definitely compliment one another!!!***
Getting back to a little bit of God's teachings here, which is why I don't have a New Year's Resolution...I do not want to try to plan out my life, I'll take it one step at a time. I want to follow God's will for my life, not my crazy ideas! I don't want to say what I will and will not do....I learned a lot this year, God showed me a thing or two about how to love as He loves.
My bible study this past semester was on the book of Philippians...one of my favorite books of the bible! I absolutely love it!! I am so drawn to the books of the bible that teach me how to be a better Christian. (Our next bible study is on James...how perfect!! Another great book on how to be a better Christian!) I feel that churches around here don't really teach that. They teach more on how to judge others and what you should or should not do so that you won't be judged. So sad, but sort of true. They are so clicky too...drives me batty!
And to hear the way Christians talk about others, no wonder people who have no faith, can't stand to be around them. I can hardly stand it myself.
My prayer for myself since this study has been to love others the way Jesus loves us...which I know is an almost impossible feet to accomplish, but I am up for trying. I seriously think that is our best way of witnessing to those who are lost.
It's neat, it's almost as if God has taken away from me, my super close friends, either we aren't that close any more or we just can't get together like we use to. It's definitely lessened my chances of gossip. I love that because God knows I have an issue with it, and it's a prayer of mine to stop.
By taking away that part of my life, my heart is starting to be where God wants it to be...in a good place. I look at people differently now. And I think I love a deeper than before.
Real quick, I want to share a neat way that our family has gotten to see God. Preston, this past October, actually over Halloween (which sort of aggravated me,) along with the sophomore class from SouthLake, about 70 kids, went to Honea Path, SC, to help out a ministry called Widow's Watchmen. They helped out a lady whose name is Mrs. Shorty. She is 84 years old and lives in a falling in trailer, the ceiling literally was falling in. She heated herself at night with a heating pad. So sad. Everything about her trailer should be condemned.
I remember my husband coming home from work one day, after that weekend, saying to me, "Deedie, I can't get Mrs. Shorty off of my mind." Her living conditions were just haunting him. He couldn't believe that she lived in such conditions.
After he said that to me, the only thing I could think to say was, "Good." I really didn't know what else to say, because I loved that he cared so much for her that it was literally bothering him. What a testament of my husband's heart for others.
He decided that he was going to try to raise money to buy her a new trailer...that was the only thought that could help him sleep at night.
Soon after that, I was sitting in bible study one Tuesday morning, Preston and I had just been given a little money to help us get out of some debt (sweet gift!) and I can remember sitting in our large group with a feeling that made me want to go and call Preston. We we discussing sacrificial giving. I decided at that moment, that we could give every penny of that money to Mrs. Shorty, that God would provide for us!!! I was and am still knowing that God will provide for us.
Preston went and met with the gentleman over his school. He was on board with Preston to do this. And at the same time, another blessing came, someone told us not to give the amount that Preston was ready to give, that there was someone who would give that amount in our place...that someone has a clue of what my husband's salary is and knows that I don't work. So sweet!! Sort of an Abraham and Isaac story...Preston was ready to give, and God provided so that we could still get out of some debt. I believe whole hearted that God saw our willing hearts to sacrifice our finances for Mrs. Shorty! (However, we still gave, but a quarter of what we had planned, which to us, was still A LOT of money!)
He decided to get that group of 7 or 8 students that worked on her house and figure out a way to raise money to get her a new home. So, the asking began. He got it ok-ed by the "boss man" and then ok-ed it with the gentleman over Widow's Watchmen Ministries, and the letter writing began. Their goal was $10,000 by December 1. They began November 11th, asking for money, there was no time for fundraising, so they just sent out an "ask letter." By December 1, they had raised $20,000!! I'm still blown away by the thought of this. By the giving hearts of others who helped. It is such a testament of how mighty our God is!!!
It's funny, Preston and I tried over and over to raise money for Young Life, and never did it come this easy for us...which is a way that confirms to me that that was not our calling...it was more of a clearing the paths to get to what it was that we were "suppose" to be doing. Still in God's plan and it helped us to get to where we are today, but not what we were to spend our lives doing.
I love getting the opportunity to see this whole deal play out. It has been such an amazing experience. I am so thankful for this on so many different levels. So many different groups of people have gotten to see a glimpse of God's mercy and love because of this. Students, Faculty and staff members, those involved at Widow's Watchmen, Mrs. Shorty, Mrs. Shorty's neighbors, those who are hired to help with the demolition and set up of new trailer, parents of students, and the list goes on and on. It's so sweet!! It's been an amazing thing to see, and I am so thankful. And it's sweet to know that this 84 year old lady is being taken care of.
Love it!!! I love, love. I love that I get to experience it! I am thankful for God's love!!! I am thankful that I don't need a New Year's Resolution, because God loves me so much and is in control of my life with or without a change for the better for the new year. Why would I want to plan my life when such cool stuff happens without my involvement in planning it??!!!!
God is good, people! I pray that you will see God through His sweet people that He LOVES so dearly.
Until next time...
Where to begin?...
It's been a while since I last blogged...I have so much on my mind lately. Where to pick up from my last blog, is why I keep procrastinating writing on here again.
God has blessed me beyond my imagination. I seriously mean, I could not have planned my life to be this way if I had tried. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but every little detail is in its right place, and only a God so powerful and loving could have done that for me.
So much has happened since August, I can't believe I haven't blogged about it...well, yes, I can, because I have 3 little kids that keep me busy while trying to run a little small flower business and at the same time Halloween happened, Thanksgiving happened, and Christmas happened, and New Year's happened, while living out this crazy busy life of keeping up with a house hold (of which I am awful at!,) attending an in depth bible study (which was amazing!,) two weekends away: going out of town for our anniversary and going to the mtns with my sister and mom, and trying to spend quality time with our extended families as well. It's been busy, and that pretty much sums it up!!!
***As for our anniversary this year, I have to add, it was on November 11, 2011, we were married for 11 years...pretty cool! Something that I AM SO thankful for is my sweet husband who loves me dearly, and for that, I am KNOW God loves me so much for giving me that sweet sweet man in my life, who really is my better half!! We definitely compliment one another!!!***
Getting back to a little bit of God's teachings here, which is why I don't have a New Year's Resolution...I do not want to try to plan out my life, I'll take it one step at a time. I want to follow God's will for my life, not my crazy ideas! I don't want to say what I will and will not do....I learned a lot this year, God showed me a thing or two about how to love as He loves.
My bible study this past semester was on the book of Philippians...one of my favorite books of the bible! I absolutely love it!! I am so drawn to the books of the bible that teach me how to be a better Christian. (Our next bible study is on James...how perfect!! Another great book on how to be a better Christian!) I feel that churches around here don't really teach that. They teach more on how to judge others and what you should or should not do so that you won't be judged. So sad, but sort of true. They are so clicky too...drives me batty!
And to hear the way Christians talk about others, no wonder people who have no faith, can't stand to be around them. I can hardly stand it myself.
My prayer for myself since this study has been to love others the way Jesus loves us...which I know is an almost impossible feet to accomplish, but I am up for trying. I seriously think that is our best way of witnessing to those who are lost.
It's neat, it's almost as if God has taken away from me, my super close friends, either we aren't that close any more or we just can't get together like we use to. It's definitely lessened my chances of gossip. I love that because God knows I have an issue with it, and it's a prayer of mine to stop.
By taking away that part of my life, my heart is starting to be where God wants it to be...in a good place. I look at people differently now. And I think I love a deeper than before.
Real quick, I want to share a neat way that our family has gotten to see God. Preston, this past October, actually over Halloween (which sort of aggravated me,) along with the sophomore class from SouthLake, about 70 kids, went to Honea Path, SC, to help out a ministry called Widow's Watchmen. They helped out a lady whose name is Mrs. Shorty. She is 84 years old and lives in a falling in trailer, the ceiling literally was falling in. She heated herself at night with a heating pad. So sad. Everything about her trailer should be condemned.
I remember my husband coming home from work one day, after that weekend, saying to me, "Deedie, I can't get Mrs. Shorty off of my mind." Her living conditions were just haunting him. He couldn't believe that she lived in such conditions.
After he said that to me, the only thing I could think to say was, "Good." I really didn't know what else to say, because I loved that he cared so much for her that it was literally bothering him. What a testament of my husband's heart for others.
He decided that he was going to try to raise money to buy her a new trailer...that was the only thought that could help him sleep at night.
Soon after that, I was sitting in bible study one Tuesday morning, Preston and I had just been given a little money to help us get out of some debt (sweet gift!) and I can remember sitting in our large group with a feeling that made me want to go and call Preston. We we discussing sacrificial giving. I decided at that moment, that we could give every penny of that money to Mrs. Shorty, that God would provide for us!!! I was and am still knowing that God will provide for us.
Preston went and met with the gentleman over his school. He was on board with Preston to do this. And at the same time, another blessing came, someone told us not to give the amount that Preston was ready to give, that there was someone who would give that amount in our place...that someone has a clue of what my husband's salary is and knows that I don't work. So sweet!! Sort of an Abraham and Isaac story...Preston was ready to give, and God provided so that we could still get out of some debt. I believe whole hearted that God saw our willing hearts to sacrifice our finances for Mrs. Shorty! (However, we still gave, but a quarter of what we had planned, which to us, was still A LOT of money!)
He decided to get that group of 7 or 8 students that worked on her house and figure out a way to raise money to get her a new home. So, the asking began. He got it ok-ed by the "boss man" and then ok-ed it with the gentleman over Widow's Watchmen Ministries, and the letter writing began. Their goal was $10,000 by December 1. They began November 11th, asking for money, there was no time for fundraising, so they just sent out an "ask letter." By December 1, they had raised $20,000!! I'm still blown away by the thought of this. By the giving hearts of others who helped. It is such a testament of how mighty our God is!!!
It's funny, Preston and I tried over and over to raise money for Young Life, and never did it come this easy for us...which is a way that confirms to me that that was not our calling...it was more of a clearing the paths to get to what it was that we were "suppose" to be doing. Still in God's plan and it helped us to get to where we are today, but not what we were to spend our lives doing.
I love getting the opportunity to see this whole deal play out. It has been such an amazing experience. I am so thankful for this on so many different levels. So many different groups of people have gotten to see a glimpse of God's mercy and love because of this. Students, Faculty and staff members, those involved at Widow's Watchmen, Mrs. Shorty, Mrs. Shorty's neighbors, those who are hired to help with the demolition and set up of new trailer, parents of students, and the list goes on and on. It's so sweet!! It's been an amazing thing to see, and I am so thankful. And it's sweet to know that this 84 year old lady is being taken care of.
Love it!!! I love, love. I love that I get to experience it! I am thankful for God's love!!! I am thankful that I don't need a New Year's Resolution, because God loves me so much and is in control of my life with or without a change for the better for the new year. Why would I want to plan my life when such cool stuff happens without my involvement in planning it??!!!!
God is good, people! I pray that you will see God through His sweet people that He LOVES so dearly.
Until next time...
Monday, August 8, 2011
Friends...
Gosh, I have been finding out lately how weird I am. Not only me, but my husband too. It's funny, neither of us have a lot of close friends...I mean, we have friends, but as far as a best friend, we don't have one...except for one another of course. Preston really is my absolute BEST friend in the entire world. That is pretty sweet to say it, mean, and know it.
My husband is my BEST friend! Pretty stinkin' sweet!
But he and I both feel that no one really wants to be our friends. Our close friend, that is. Those who we think would be really true friends, live far away and those who we have been friends w/ our whole life, just don't seem that real. We get frustrated easily by people who seem one way and act another. We don't do fake. We don't do people who want to be someone who they are...we want real people in our lives. People living out life the way we are. Trying to be who God wants them to be...at least I'm speaking for myself for sure. Preston, I'm pretty positive is on the same page as me.
I have struggled my whole entire life w/ this "friend journey." You'd think I would have learned something by now. Something as to how to be a friend, how to make a friend, how to KEEP a friend. But no, I continue today in my 30's on how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. It's funny, I often find that people change and I stay the same. The same ol' me.
But I must do something to people to make them frustrated w/ me so easily. Or is it in my head? Maybe I don't frustrate them, and what it is, is that I have nothing except for myself to give them. I'm not fake, I don't conform easily or at all, I am me! What you see, is exactly what you get...there's very little hidden behind the scenes.
Anyway, maybe one day, I'll get the picture. I'll figure how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. Or maybe others will decide that I'm ok, just the way I am.
I am a strange person. My whole life, I have done exactly what I feel is right. I have never easily conformed to others. I have lived my life the way that I wanted to, mostly, maybe not all the time, but mostly, living my life the way I feel God desires for me. I try hard to follow His will...and I have to say that has been my number one influence...which is the best influence to have...and maybe that is what has made me such a strange bird. I don't know.
What I do know, is that I am ready for some REAL friends. People who are exactly what you see is what you get!! People who want to be my friend because they love my heart!...and that is it!
My husband is my BEST friend! Pretty stinkin' sweet!
But he and I both feel that no one really wants to be our friends. Our close friend, that is. Those who we think would be really true friends, live far away and those who we have been friends w/ our whole life, just don't seem that real. We get frustrated easily by people who seem one way and act another. We don't do fake. We don't do people who want to be someone who they are...we want real people in our lives. People living out life the way we are. Trying to be who God wants them to be...at least I'm speaking for myself for sure. Preston, I'm pretty positive is on the same page as me.
I have struggled my whole entire life w/ this "friend journey." You'd think I would have learned something by now. Something as to how to be a friend, how to make a friend, how to KEEP a friend. But no, I continue today in my 30's on how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. It's funny, I often find that people change and I stay the same. The same ol' me.
But I must do something to people to make them frustrated w/ me so easily. Or is it in my head? Maybe I don't frustrate them, and what it is, is that I have nothing except for myself to give them. I'm not fake, I don't conform easily or at all, I am me! What you see, is exactly what you get...there's very little hidden behind the scenes.
Anyway, maybe one day, I'll get the picture. I'll figure how to be a friend, how to make a friend, and how to keep a friend. Or maybe others will decide that I'm ok, just the way I am.
I am a strange person. My whole life, I have done exactly what I feel is right. I have never easily conformed to others. I have lived my life the way that I wanted to, mostly, maybe not all the time, but mostly, living my life the way I feel God desires for me. I try hard to follow His will...and I have to say that has been my number one influence...which is the best influence to have...and maybe that is what has made me such a strange bird. I don't know.
What I do know, is that I am ready for some REAL friends. People who are exactly what you see is what you get!! People who want to be my friend because they love my heart!...and that is it!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I am not a mom to my full potential, that's for sure!
How many times do I ignore my children? A LOT!! There are so many times that I find myself putting other things first...such as right now...I am trying to type this, fix my kiddos breakfast (yes, at 10:45 a.m.!) have Jessie take a shower, while needing to be cleaning the house!! I will do anything to try to procrastinate things...even ignoring my children so that I have a minute to myself. I feel like I have real issues. Do any other moms out there do this? or is it just me?
It's good to know that God doesn't ignore me. It's good to know that God isn't a father to me like I am a mother to my children.
I really need to work on this parenting stuff. It makes me think that there is something wrong w/ me.
I really don't want to be a parent who ignores their children. I don't want to be that mom that later on down the road wishes I loved them a little more or held them in my arms a little longer.
I always hear older moms tell me, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast. Before you know it, they will be going off to college." While they are telling me this, all I can do is find myself wishing them to grow up so that I can have my own life back. Do the things that I want to do.
Ok, maybe I don't wish them to be going off to college right yet, but I do find myself being excited about the time that they are all 5 and older!! I think that is going to be an awesome time!! Gosh, I hope it is!!
Having 2, almost 3 year olds and a 6 year old is hard work...mainly the 2, almost 3 year olds!! That's where the hard work is! They are CRAZY!!!
Anyway, my prayer is that I am a mom with no regrets. That I do my best and be the mom God has intended me to be. After all, He did give me these sweet kiddos...He has entrusted them to me. What a privilege! I pray that I parent with that in mind!!
It's good to know that God doesn't ignore me. It's good to know that God isn't a father to me like I am a mother to my children.
I really need to work on this parenting stuff. It makes me think that there is something wrong w/ me.
I really don't want to be a parent who ignores their children. I don't want to be that mom that later on down the road wishes I loved them a little more or held them in my arms a little longer.
I always hear older moms tell me, "Enjoy them. They grow up so fast. Before you know it, they will be going off to college." While they are telling me this, all I can do is find myself wishing them to grow up so that I can have my own life back. Do the things that I want to do.
Ok, maybe I don't wish them to be going off to college right yet, but I do find myself being excited about the time that they are all 5 and older!! I think that is going to be an awesome time!! Gosh, I hope it is!!
Having 2, almost 3 year olds and a 6 year old is hard work...mainly the 2, almost 3 year olds!! That's where the hard work is! They are CRAZY!!!
Anyway, my prayer is that I am a mom with no regrets. That I do my best and be the mom God has intended me to be. After all, He did give me these sweet kiddos...He has entrusted them to me. What a privilege! I pray that I parent with that in mind!!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I don't have it bad...
Hey! It's been a while since I've been on here blogging my crazy thoughts...so here is what is on my mind right now...
I can often get caught up in how bad or blah I feel that my life is. I often feel sort of "whoa is me." I get frustrated at the fact that I stay home w/ three kids. It's tough. I sometimes feel that I was not cut out for this...but through several of my friends lately, I am not cut out for their lives...
The Carter's for example...They have been through so much since the birth of their twin daughters. I can't even begin to explain what they went through after delivering 25 week old twins...itsy bitsy babies...and they survived. One of them is deaf, and the other is perfectly healthy. But that is it...they are both healthy little girls. Such little blessings and miracles those two are. That was tough though, watching the parents go through wondering if their little babies would survive or not. My hair would be white from worry during the remainder of those weeks of what should have been gestation in the womb, instead outside and wondering if they would survive. And just recently their mom's brother was murdered. I can't imagine. I'm not cut out for that life!!
And then there the Patwa's...Amy has cancer, she is a year younger than me, and has a 1 year old daughter. She just finished treatment for breast cancer 5 months ago...and just recently found out she has cancer again. She is on treatments now for treating the cancer that is incurable. Her husband doesn't have a job and she just lost her job. And to top it off, her dad, by the sounds of it, is dying from cancer. I'm not cut out for that life!!!
And I can't forget about the family who I followed their blog last fall who lost their 2 year old son to neuroblastoma, and yet him mom was pregnant w/ twins and gave birth early and lost one of the twins and now has a son who I hope is doing awesome. They deserve a sweet healthy baby boy. I'm not cut out for that life!!
...and if I sat here long enough, I could write on and on many many paragraphs and come up with others who have suffered way more than I can imagine...I can think of others whose lives I'm not cut out for. So, I'll leave this as my blog for today...I'm thankful for my crazy life!! I'm thankful for the blahness of it!! I'm going to quit complaining (well, I'll try!) But, I will accept life as it is and be thankful for what I do have!! and not for what I don't have!! I'm thankful for the trials that I have endured and the lessons that I have learned from them. I pray I don't forget what lessons I've learned. I pray that I will always be thankful for my life. The life that God has so graciously given me...not to mention the lives that He has entrusted to me!! ;) ...my sweet babies!!
Thank you Lord for MY life!
I can often get caught up in how bad or blah I feel that my life is. I often feel sort of "whoa is me." I get frustrated at the fact that I stay home w/ three kids. It's tough. I sometimes feel that I was not cut out for this...but through several of my friends lately, I am not cut out for their lives...
The Carter's for example...They have been through so much since the birth of their twin daughters. I can't even begin to explain what they went through after delivering 25 week old twins...itsy bitsy babies...and they survived. One of them is deaf, and the other is perfectly healthy. But that is it...they are both healthy little girls. Such little blessings and miracles those two are. That was tough though, watching the parents go through wondering if their little babies would survive or not. My hair would be white from worry during the remainder of those weeks of what should have been gestation in the womb, instead outside and wondering if they would survive. And just recently their mom's brother was murdered. I can't imagine. I'm not cut out for that life!!
And then there the Patwa's...Amy has cancer, she is a year younger than me, and has a 1 year old daughter. She just finished treatment for breast cancer 5 months ago...and just recently found out she has cancer again. She is on treatments now for treating the cancer that is incurable. Her husband doesn't have a job and she just lost her job. And to top it off, her dad, by the sounds of it, is dying from cancer. I'm not cut out for that life!!!
And I can't forget about the family who I followed their blog last fall who lost their 2 year old son to neuroblastoma, and yet him mom was pregnant w/ twins and gave birth early and lost one of the twins and now has a son who I hope is doing awesome. They deserve a sweet healthy baby boy. I'm not cut out for that life!!
...and if I sat here long enough, I could write on and on many many paragraphs and come up with others who have suffered way more than I can imagine...I can think of others whose lives I'm not cut out for. So, I'll leave this as my blog for today...I'm thankful for my crazy life!! I'm thankful for the blahness of it!! I'm going to quit complaining (well, I'll try!) But, I will accept life as it is and be thankful for what I do have!! and not for what I don't have!! I'm thankful for the trials that I have endured and the lessons that I have learned from them. I pray I don't forget what lessons I've learned. I pray that I will always be thankful for my life. The life that God has so graciously given me...not to mention the lives that He has entrusted to me!! ;) ...my sweet babies!!
Thank you Lord for MY life!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Who am I?
Who am I? This is something that most people ponder when they are in high school...not me...I'm wondering this now, in my 30's. I think I knew who I was in high school and some how I have forgotten. Somehow I have forgotten that strong self assurance.
Or did I know? Did my parents just mask who I was, as a child of theirs and that was enough? It was enough to be "Deedie, daughter of Ned and Debbie?"
My parents did a great job raising me. Throughout my entire life, it never mattered to me what others thought of me. Well, I'd be lying if I ever knew someone absolutely didn't like me or talked bad about me behind my back, but because I had the self esteem that I had, I don't think I ever thought anyone would think bad of me. I was pretty much always liked and very few people didn't like me, and nothing ever made me think other wise.
I think back on my past, I had every right to have a low self esteem, here are a few reasons why:
When I was in the 4th grade, I wore my headgear to school,...I can remember one kid making fun of me, but I totally was able to blow it off. I think I actually thought it was funny too. I can remember, it was Brian Pauly (wonder what has happened to him?,) and he said, "Earth to Deedie. Earth to Deedie." And it didn't matter, I continued to wear my head gear.
Then I can remember in the 5th grade, I got my hair cut...the Demi Moore 1980's style, and I looked like a boy. But once again, it didn't matter to me what others thought. Most people would be afraid to cut their hair off for fear of what they would look like...to me, it was just hair, if I didn't like it, it would grow back.
I can remember getting braces in the 7th grade, who cares.
I can remember once again, chopping my hair off in the 11th grade and looking quite special now that I look back in pictures, but I didn't care. I knew my hair would grow back if I wanted it.
I had a best friend from 7th grade until 10th grade and one day, she wrote me a note, breaking up with me. And we were inseparable during those years. It was a big deal, don't get me wrong, and I cried a lot. It broke my heart, but it didn't break me. I still knew who I was. And once I got over it, I got right back up went back to my life.
Finally 12th grade, I was a pretty little girl who had boys interested in me for the first time ever. I guess you could say, I finally blossomed, no braces, shoulder length hair, started wearing makeup...just cute. I didn't even know how to handle boys showing interest in me. I was mostly an ice queen...pretty mean, telling them that I wasn't interested or that I wasn't their type. I did have a boyfriend from the summer after 11th grade until I graduated and started college. That was the only boyfriend I ever had other than my husband. But boys didn't define who I was. Nothing defined who I was. I already had my mind made up. There was nothing wrong with me. I was who I was and I was happy with that.
So what changed in my 30's? Why did I all of a sudden have a crazy time trying to find myself? Was the definition I had of myself wrong? Maybe. But what I really think happened was I never really truly defined myself as a child of God. I was a child of my parents who loved me unconditionally. And now I realize that first I am a daughter of God and second a daughter to my mom and dad.
Now, I'm ready to continue my journey to develop a true definition of myself. One that will give me every right to be conceited and think high of myself...but because of God's craftiness, He's already shown me that it's not about me and how I view myself in comparison to everyone else, it's about the way He views me. But my in my relationship between He and I, I will know how much He loves me and thinks of me, and will show others how much He loves and thinks of them too. It's not about how worldly things here on earth define us, it's about how He defines us. He defines us all the same! We are His children.
I thank God for the blessing of being a parent and being a parent of more than one child. This experience has given me a glimpse of how much He loves me, because I LOVE my children. And because I have more than one child, I understand how you love all of your children with the same amount of unconditional love even though they are all different. And different is what makes our family so unique and awesome!
Until my next thoughts are worth jotting down...take care!
Or did I know? Did my parents just mask who I was, as a child of theirs and that was enough? It was enough to be "Deedie, daughter of Ned and Debbie?"
My parents did a great job raising me. Throughout my entire life, it never mattered to me what others thought of me. Well, I'd be lying if I ever knew someone absolutely didn't like me or talked bad about me behind my back, but because I had the self esteem that I had, I don't think I ever thought anyone would think bad of me. I was pretty much always liked and very few people didn't like me, and nothing ever made me think other wise.
I think back on my past, I had every right to have a low self esteem, here are a few reasons why:
When I was in the 4th grade, I wore my headgear to school,...I can remember one kid making fun of me, but I totally was able to blow it off. I think I actually thought it was funny too. I can remember, it was Brian Pauly (wonder what has happened to him?,) and he said, "Earth to Deedie. Earth to Deedie." And it didn't matter, I continued to wear my head gear.
Then I can remember in the 5th grade, I got my hair cut...the Demi Moore 1980's style, and I looked like a boy. But once again, it didn't matter to me what others thought. Most people would be afraid to cut their hair off for fear of what they would look like...to me, it was just hair, if I didn't like it, it would grow back.
I can remember getting braces in the 7th grade, who cares.
I can remember once again, chopping my hair off in the 11th grade and looking quite special now that I look back in pictures, but I didn't care. I knew my hair would grow back if I wanted it.
I had a best friend from 7th grade until 10th grade and one day, she wrote me a note, breaking up with me. And we were inseparable during those years. It was a big deal, don't get me wrong, and I cried a lot. It broke my heart, but it didn't break me. I still knew who I was. And once I got over it, I got right back up went back to my life.
Finally 12th grade, I was a pretty little girl who had boys interested in me for the first time ever. I guess you could say, I finally blossomed, no braces, shoulder length hair, started wearing makeup...just cute. I didn't even know how to handle boys showing interest in me. I was mostly an ice queen...pretty mean, telling them that I wasn't interested or that I wasn't their type. I did have a boyfriend from the summer after 11th grade until I graduated and started college. That was the only boyfriend I ever had other than my husband. But boys didn't define who I was. Nothing defined who I was. I already had my mind made up. There was nothing wrong with me. I was who I was and I was happy with that.
So what changed in my 30's? Why did I all of a sudden have a crazy time trying to find myself? Was the definition I had of myself wrong? Maybe. But what I really think happened was I never really truly defined myself as a child of God. I was a child of my parents who loved me unconditionally. And now I realize that first I am a daughter of God and second a daughter to my mom and dad.
Now, I'm ready to continue my journey to develop a true definition of myself. One that will give me every right to be conceited and think high of myself...but because of God's craftiness, He's already shown me that it's not about me and how I view myself in comparison to everyone else, it's about the way He views me. But my in my relationship between He and I, I will know how much He loves me and thinks of me, and will show others how much He loves and thinks of them too. It's not about how worldly things here on earth define us, it's about how He defines us. He defines us all the same! We are His children.
I thank God for the blessing of being a parent and being a parent of more than one child. This experience has given me a glimpse of how much He loves me, because I LOVE my children. And because I have more than one child, I understand how you love all of your children with the same amount of unconditional love even though they are all different. And different is what makes our family so unique and awesome!
Until my next thoughts are worth jotting down...take care!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Epiphany...I need to look in the mirror!
Epiphany, "Sudden realization about the nature or meaning of something. An epiphany can often come about due to some experience that may trigger the sudden realization."
Man, last night I had one of these miraculous epiphanies and it was mind boggling. It just might be one of the first "real" epiphanies I have every experienced. I was taking a shower and hanging out talking to God...it's the one place I can be completely all by myself and all I have to think about is washing off, and I have been doing that all by myself since I was 5 years old. I'm pretty good at it by now. It's a completely brainless activity...perfect time to talk to God without interruptions.
Ta-da...the epiphany struck me, right there in the shower, as if I ran in to a brick wall.
I am going to have to ramble a little bit in order for you to understand how I came up on my epiphany/brick wall. Bare with me...
While in the shower, I was thinking about my day yesterday. It started off so rocky...Jessie has these sort of tantrums that are brought on by her clothes rubbing her skin wrong. She says that she has "tired skin" and it hurts her when the seams of her clothes rub her skin. It's awful! She screams like there are razors in her clothes cutting her skin. She has very real sensory issues. I literally had to throw my half dressed daughter in the van with Preston and shut the door...wish Preston luck, and just be thankful I was able to say good bye and walk away from her.
We punish her in so many different ways trying to see if one of the methods will work. But when that kid is having her tantrum, NOTHING works. We take things away that are really important to her, she doesn't care. On Christmas day, we took away all of her Santa gifts...it was awful. But it didn't matter. Yesterday we told her no dance classes (she loves dance!) She didn't care. She could not get over herself.
And when all of this happens, and I see that nothing can make her stop these tantrums except for giving her time...I throw my hands up and wonder where I have gone wrong.
Then my thoughts left yesterday's events and wandered off to the talk with her the other day after she had one of her tantrums and had calmed down. I told her how when we take things away and she still doesn't try to control herself, how it makes us feel like she doesn't appreciate the things we do for her. How it seems that she doesn't like the things we give her or anyone else gives her. I try explaining to her that her daddy doesn't make very much money and the things we buy her, like dance classes, clothes, special outings, are special for her to get to have and when we have to take them away because she cannot "try" to control herself, that it hurts our feelings and makes us not want to do things for her because she doesn't seem to appreciate them. (Now, this may be guilt provoking thoughts I'm feeding her, but trust me, I get desperate in hopes that I might say the right thing that might make the difference to make her want to try to control herself during her tantrums.)
BAM...right there, that thought, that memory of my conversation with her is what struck me so hard last night in the shower. I am a hypocrite!!
My mind raced back to yesterday morninging's quiet time... I hit the thought about forgiveness and God's grace...that's when it really was all laid out for me...God's amazing GRACE...How many times has God given ME something and no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is I am not appreciative? How many times? How many times has He given me these beautiful things that He gave me because He loves me so and how many times do I disobey Him despite these wonderful things He has given me. Thank God He hasn't taken them away.
Because right then at that point in my reflection, it struck me...How many times am I frustrated and ready to give up on being a mom? Many times!! And how many times do I handle my roll as a mom wrongly? Many times! I thank Him for His grace and mercy He shows on me. Right then, I realized that I needed to ask for forgiveness and be thankful for what I have!! Because no matter how bad I am or how unappreciative I may seem, those three little beauties are not something I am willing to have taken away from me. He can take anything else, just not them. And I'd like to keep Preston too! ;)
Talk about a brick wall...that epiphany struck me like a brick wall! And that was definitely an epiphany. I am so thankful that God showed it to me. I needed to see it. I also need to work on showing Jessie grace. I need to pray about how to show it to her that helps her. I pray that the next time I am about to judge someone, my own child or a friend, that I look in the mirror first before I judge them!!
Man, last night I had one of these miraculous epiphanies and it was mind boggling. It just might be one of the first "real" epiphanies I have every experienced. I was taking a shower and hanging out talking to God...it's the one place I can be completely all by myself and all I have to think about is washing off, and I have been doing that all by myself since I was 5 years old. I'm pretty good at it by now. It's a completely brainless activity...perfect time to talk to God without interruptions.
Ta-da...the epiphany struck me, right there in the shower, as if I ran in to a brick wall.
I am going to have to ramble a little bit in order for you to understand how I came up on my epiphany/brick wall. Bare with me...
While in the shower, I was thinking about my day yesterday. It started off so rocky...Jessie has these sort of tantrums that are brought on by her clothes rubbing her skin wrong. She says that she has "tired skin" and it hurts her when the seams of her clothes rub her skin. It's awful! She screams like there are razors in her clothes cutting her skin. She has very real sensory issues. I literally had to throw my half dressed daughter in the van with Preston and shut the door...wish Preston luck, and just be thankful I was able to say good bye and walk away from her.
We punish her in so many different ways trying to see if one of the methods will work. But when that kid is having her tantrum, NOTHING works. We take things away that are really important to her, she doesn't care. On Christmas day, we took away all of her Santa gifts...it was awful. But it didn't matter. Yesterday we told her no dance classes (she loves dance!) She didn't care. She could not get over herself.
And when all of this happens, and I see that nothing can make her stop these tantrums except for giving her time...I throw my hands up and wonder where I have gone wrong.
Then my thoughts left yesterday's events and wandered off to the talk with her the other day after she had one of her tantrums and had calmed down. I told her how when we take things away and she still doesn't try to control herself, how it makes us feel like she doesn't appreciate the things we do for her. How it seems that she doesn't like the things we give her or anyone else gives her. I try explaining to her that her daddy doesn't make very much money and the things we buy her, like dance classes, clothes, special outings, are special for her to get to have and when we have to take them away because she cannot "try" to control herself, that it hurts our feelings and makes us not want to do things for her because she doesn't seem to appreciate them. (Now, this may be guilt provoking thoughts I'm feeding her, but trust me, I get desperate in hopes that I might say the right thing that might make the difference to make her want to try to control herself during her tantrums.)
BAM...right there, that thought, that memory of my conversation with her is what struck me so hard last night in the shower. I am a hypocrite!!
My mind raced back to yesterday morninging's quiet time... I hit the thought about forgiveness and God's grace...that's when it really was all laid out for me...God's amazing GRACE...How many times has God given ME something and no matter how beautiful and wonderful it is I am not appreciative? How many times? How many times has He given me these beautiful things that He gave me because He loves me so and how many times do I disobey Him despite these wonderful things He has given me. Thank God He hasn't taken them away.
Because right then at that point in my reflection, it struck me...How many times am I frustrated and ready to give up on being a mom? Many times!! And how many times do I handle my roll as a mom wrongly? Many times! I thank Him for His grace and mercy He shows on me. Right then, I realized that I needed to ask for forgiveness and be thankful for what I have!! Because no matter how bad I am or how unappreciative I may seem, those three little beauties are not something I am willing to have taken away from me. He can take anything else, just not them. And I'd like to keep Preston too! ;)
Talk about a brick wall...that epiphany struck me like a brick wall! And that was definitely an epiphany. I am so thankful that God showed it to me. I needed to see it. I also need to work on showing Jessie grace. I need to pray about how to show it to her that helps her. I pray that the next time I am about to judge someone, my own child or a friend, that I look in the mirror first before I judge them!!
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